by Carol , Seans mom
Hello. My name is Carol. I am Sean's mom. It has been about 11 weeks since my son did not wake up for work. He was 24. He was the oldest of three children and my only son. The last few months have been absolutely earth shattering. I still can't believe it. I would say Depression has set in. Sean would call or text me every morning or so when he would get out of work. He worked the overnight shift. When he called or if he didnt I called him it was right after I dropped his 15 year old sister off at school. Sean was a quiet but serious young man. He expected a lot of himself. I always told Sean, be patient with yourself you are young,you have time. I am haunted by those words. I truly thought he had a life time left. I wonder if he is ok. Is he scared and lonely? I know I am. I wish I could of told him one more time how much I love him and that I couldnt imagine my life with out him. I am sure I did probably say that when he was here because my children knew they were my world. He told me I bragged about them to much,but he always said it fighting back a smile. Even with mistakes that they make along the way,who doesnt,I told them all the time they were everything to me. Who takes a child away from a mother who lives for them. Sean told me more than once he could not wait to be a dad some day. I told him he would be a great dad. I never imagined that day would never come. How are we suppose to just figure all this crap that was handed to us out. I feel like someone dropped all kinds of stuff all over me and said now figure this out. The pain and heartbreak of missing him has paralized me somedays. My heart is very heavy. I am trying to be strong for his two sisters. They did not ask for this either. They still deserve a mom. So I try. I quietly roam threw life now wondering what is the purpose of all this and why do some people have to have so much pain in their world. I went from feeling like one of the lucky ones to one who has pain and heartbreak forever. I just dont get it.