so lonely without you

by Rachel Noel
(Belle Plaine Iowa)

I came home from work, and found my husband dead...he had accidentally taken an overdose of painkillers..It was a devastating time, I was so numb, and frightened. I miss him so much, and can't seem to concentrate on any thing but him. He passed Feb. 8, 2011, it is all still fresh, but people think I should be getting over with it, I certainly can not.

I am sorting through the house, I can't live there after finding him there. I live with my wonderful daughter and family, and am going to get a place of my own. But, I need to of course save money. sorting through the house is so painful, I can barely get through it. Going through his things is so very painful. I wake up thinking of him, and I go to bed thinking of him...I miss him so much, I miss my life as well.

Comments for so lonely without you

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May 17, 2014
Missy sister!!!
by: Sister Love

My sister died Feb 8 2012. She died of Pulmonary Fibrosis. She was 70. We did everything together. As couples, but mostly just us two. We were like twins. We were together most everyday doing fun things. Shopping, traveling, beaching, cruising, everything. We would talk a few times every day. I don't have a close friend like I did with my sister. She was spontaneous. I call he up to take a trip and there she was ready. My husband does not want to do much since he is older. So I have no one to do anything with. My kids live out of state and have there own lives. My friends don't call. If I don't plan something, I don't here from anyone. since my sister was always here, no one else was needed. I am so sad and can't get pass this empty feeling. Wish I could move on. so verrrrry Sad!!!

May 01, 2014
I understand
by: Anonymous

I went through what you had except. I lost my family after loosing my husband, my pain is so hard to explain and really I do not know what to do.

Sep 30, 2012
wish you are here!
by: Anonymous

my husband died last jan.2011 that was the day so painful to me coz ive seen all his painful days.he has kidney failure and go to hemo-dialysis for 2 years while his in dialysis treatment we decided to go in kidney transplant.and the kidney came from othere people,yes we bought it....we know its not good to buy,but we dont have any choice coz we ask from their bro/sis and they refused.even myself i have tested my blood but were not compatible.thenj january came the operation done successfully,after 5 days something happen and that days was my saddest part of my life i saw how hard to him and he still keep fighting at icu and i cant see him on that condition i walk beside him and talk to him i said 'its ok you go and rest kids and i were ok' and i sign in a papers of the doctors give it to me that if he is going to had attack they will never do anything coz only the machines who will do for him,and u knw what they do...and i saw his tears while i whisper on his ears,i knw he want to live more thats why he want an operation for my kids he wanted to see grows and for me.we have so many plans to the future and now i feel so much alone without him and feel guilty and also to my kids coz they dont have thier dad...so i wish his still here and even god i blame for what happen to him..so sad,,i feel so much guilt to the lord.i really miss him so much...i miss my partner,bestfriend and my husband.

Sep 23, 2012
lonely
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband 8 months ago,i am so lonely and lost i am trying so hard to be strong .My husbands family blames me for his death.We were totally ignored a his funeral and things have gone from bad to worse. I have being on the verge of ending it all but i could not put my children through that i dont think they would cope they have being through so much they are broken hearted.I am alone most of the time the public me seems fine but the private me is a wreak.I just dont know how to help myself or my children.

Sep 09, 2012
Lonely
by: Anonymous

My husband died 6 months ago. He died from an accidental overdose to pain medicine. He was at the doctors that morning asking to have his medicine changed because of the side effects. My husband had developed kidney tones frequently and when he was passing them the only thing they could do for him is give him pain meds. The meds were terrible and he hated them. In addition he was at the emergency room that day as well to try and get answers. I don't know why I feel the need to explain what happened, but this whole thing could have been avoided. I am so lonely and miss my best friend and get tired of hanging out with family. My family is the absolute best, but I miss my companion. My daughter s 16 months old and it breaks my heart to know she will not have her dad to grow up with. I feel like a victim and I hate it. All my friends are great, but everyone moves on and thinks your fine, but when all the dust settles u still have o much to deal with.

Mar 14, 2011
so lonely without you
by: jules

Rachel - I feel your pain - my husband died suddenly nearly 16 months ago - and there were times very early on when I didn't think I could go on without him - but I have, and I am. This site has so many wonderful people on it - you will find you can say things here that you can not say to people - go to the "lost spouse and true love" section, there is so much wiSdom, advice compassion and caring. You will get advice, you will learn that nothing is "normal" in the grieving process - there will be times you think you are going crazy - I completely forgot how to cook - couldn't even make coffee or instant gravy - without this site, and my daughter and grandsons I could have starved.

Please come to this site often, lean on us - we will be there for you -
remember - every day - one step, one breath
take care
jules

Mar 13, 2011
LONELY WITHOUT MY LOVE
by: Anonymous

MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY 1-7-10 I MISS HIM LIKE CRAZY. PLZ DONT MAKE ANY BIG DECISIONS FOR 6 MONTHS I PRACTICALLY SEEN MY HUSBAND DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME HE TURNED BLUE ON ME HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF COOKING LUNCH AND HE FELL I WAS GETTING READY TO GO TO WORK BUT THANK THE LORD I DIDNT GO HE DIED IN THE EMS HE DIED OF BLOOD CLOTS DEEP IN VEIN RIGHT LEG THEN HIT BOTH HIS LUNGS I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD THEM. GRIEFSHARE.ORG IS A GREAT SITE PLEASE CHECK IT OUT. I STILL LOVE HIM. GOD IS YOUR ONLY HOPE. AND IM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS.
GOD BLESS YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY. AH

Mar 13, 2011
Its difficult now!
by: Tony

Hi. finding someone dead is very hard, I found my dad dead years ago and my sister dead 10 years later, now my mom passed away this February 1st here at the same house! I don`t know your situation, but your husband`s passing is so new. I can hardly live at this house either, but I will, because its my home, no matter how difficult. I think its too soon in your grief to be moving, maybe you need to actually live there or at least try. I find myself crying every day for my mom, she was 85, but I was her caregiver, so giving her up was/is hard, the feelings that I didn`t do enough for her don`t go away automatically. Your husband knows you love him I am sure, hugs, take care.

Mar 13, 2011
Passed in his sleep
by: Patricia From Las Vegas

My husband passed away 6/21/10 and it feels like yesterday and then a million years away. We were changing pain medications. I watched for signs for adjustments to the new painkillers. 3 days and everything looked fine. The day after Fathers Day he was gone. I blame myself because I must have missed something. They say no but in my heart I still feel I should have seen it. It was me taking care of everything, food, medications and all that he needed. Could it have been an accidentally overdose with the combination of painkillers? I'll never know. All we can hope for is in time we won't think of it day in and day out.

Its devastating at times, I feel like I'm walking through time with no destination. I've moved from Arkansas, closed our house, sold his truck and just moved into my own apartment. All very hard and painful in my 1st year. We will endure, how we do it can't be explained. You've just begun this sorrowful journey we take, but in time (yes I hate that term) things will change. It will never be the same but have faith, the good memories will start to be remember over the sad.

Come to this site anytime, any day ~ we're here to support, comfort and lend a ear when you need it. We don't judge, tell you what you should do or how to do it. Only you will know what's right for you. Have faith ~
always,
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~

Mar 13, 2011
Lonely for a long time
by: Judith

Rachel, so sorry for your loss but glad you found us here. Please read through the "loss of true Love or Spouse" and see into your future . Each letter will move you to the feelings and sadness and emotional roller coaster ride you will endure for a long while. You will come through it tho' and become stronger each day even tho' you will slide back to the same emotions from time to time.

It's okay to tell people who think you should be "over it" to mind their own business or that they have no idea what they are saying.

You don't have to be kind to them .

Take care and talk to God.

Mar 13, 2011
M Mack
by: So lonely without you

Rachel,

I feel for your pain and I'm sure you have so many questions for your loved one. Take all the time you need and I know the images of the way you found him are unbearable. It will be 8 months on the 23rd of March for me and I know I will relive the day over and over again. The loss of your loved one has got to be the hardest thing in the world to get through. No matter what the circumstances were, you always have the feelings left for you to sort out. Take your time with your grief, go at your own pace even if it means staying in bed, writing helps and keep retuning here for support. You are not alone and there is always someone to listen. Take care of yourself.... My heart and prayers go out to you.

Mar 13, 2011
My hope for you..
by: Kymberly

I have recently lost in my life and understand the endless hours of analyzing every moment. I understand the loneliness and pain. I pray that you will find peace for yourself and your family.

Mar 13, 2011
Take your time...
by:

Rachel,

Your grief is so raw and new. Must you go through everything now? If so Please have someone help you. I have had family members help me sort through all the memories that this house holds. Going though the painful things for me with me stating keep donate or toss. I could not even bring myself to get near some things and it has been 15 months for me.

My sister was here a month after Pauls death and went through a closet that I could not bear to look at. His smoking jacket that he wore always brought me to my knees. I kept that for the kids but away where I do not have to see it.

I initially let his family have coats and jackets that were his and would give them something to remember him by. I wanted to be fair but kept the things that meant alot to him and therefor me.
Don't rush tossing things out. You are so full of grief you will regret getting rid of things.

I found it helpful to do it in stages. Just pack up his stuff and go through it later when you mind and soul allows. Do not force grief it will only push you back and make things worse.

Keep coming here we understand. The fact that your family is telling you to get over it after only a month just floors me. Why do people think that that is helpful? How dare they? We understand and will always be here to listen.
HH

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