so long ago...

by Hope
(Tappahnnock)


I miss the things that were so long ago.

I just watched a scene in a movie where the husband came up behind her while she was cooking. He put his hands on her hips in a loving embrace and she said the pot is hot. She did not return the embrace.

I would love for you to give me that kitchen loving of so long ago

I would love to take a shower with you and talk about the days events so long ago

I would love to ask you how your day was and for you to tell me ...over.

I would love for you to come in the house covered in mud from head to tow, taking you boots off at the door I would pull your dinner out of the microwave so long ago

I would love to feel you next to me in bed, wrapping your arms around me in sleep so very very long ago.

I would love even for you to steal the covers it would force me closer to your warmth so long ago.

I would love to hear you tell me before sleep that you loved me I would whisper back Love you too...so long ago.

I would love to feel safe with you at my side so long ago.

But mostly, I would love to feel love and affection and I swear I would never take it for granted though I never did so very very long ago

3 years ago Dec 6th 2009.
I Love You Still and always will.
HH

Comments for so long ago...

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Oct 02, 2012
Yesterday is gone
by: M Mack

Hope,

I know the grief that lingers day to day. My world tumbled around me when I lost the love of my life - my soulmate July 23, 2010. He died in his sleep, and I can still see the peaceful look on his beautiful face. Like so many, I miss the affection, holding hands, being called sweetheart, feeling good about myself because he always knew what to say. Those days are gone but not forgotten. The people who commented on this site and shared their sadness, advise and experiences has been a tremendous support for me. All we can do is try harder, and when slapped down - we learned to get up and try it again. We're doing it one day at a time and we are proof that it does get better - yet we will always have those bitter sweet memories of a time gone by.

Oct 01, 2012
"The New Normal"
by: HH

I am almost 3 years in and though you cannot imagine it, it does,it Will get better. I guess those going through the first Year want to know WHEN?!! If does not work like that nor is anyones grief like anothers. This site helps immensely, I am sure I would have lost my mind if I had not been able to vent here and help others which, helped me too.

Grief does not disappear like a kool-aide stain on the counter it is always there and you are aware of it. But after a while and I mean a long damn while the "episodes" become less and less yet grief remains still.

I think I go to this site from time to time to find solace. For the most part grief is not allowed past the first year and my word if we still grieve after the 2nd year it MUST be complicated grief.

I still miss My Love. Probably always will. I miss the company of a man yet know there is no replacement for what I had. It STILL would not be fair to anyone else yet. I could not give him my heart as it is still broken.

But for the most part life is better for me. I never thought another life without My Love would be possible but it is. But that is the thing it is a totally different life and I had to work hard to achieve it.

Being grateful having the Love that I did, I am no longer angry, no longer feel cheated out of my golden years(well maybe a little) that I should have spent with him. He was 45 when he died I was 49. Though only 52 now it seems forever ago yesterday that my life changed forever...
One Day One Breath One Step at a time
HH

Oct 01, 2012
I Understand
by: Doreen U.K.

Mary, I know what you mean. No one knows what it is like to lose a spouse until you do. Nothing can prepare us for the grief experience and the pain that follows. It is not something one can imagine. IT IS FELT. I lost my husband Steve of 44yrs. marriage to lung cancer almost 5 months ago. Steve was a carpenter and worked with asbestos. Steve suffered for 3yrs.39days. His cancer was inoperable, incurable, aggressive. Steve had to come out of work 2 years before official retirement. He was 11 months into retirement but could not enjoy any of the time because he was very ill for the whole 3yrs.39days. He was lying down all the time. It was a very painful death and I nursed him the whole time. Life is VERY LONELY. I hate the weekends more so since Steve died on a Saturday night, and into Sunday morning everyone was paying their respects. A Friday was the day of the funeral. So this takes care of my horrible weekends. You are not FEELING SORRY YOURSELF. We have a right to express our pain and how difficult life is for us now. We must VALIDATE our feelings and what life is like now on our own. Memories are not enough because they were cut short. They won't continue. Steve was looking forward to his retirement. HE earned it. It Hurts me that so many men look forward to retiring after a lifetime of work, getting up early mornings, getting home late, feeling tired. And then they die and the government gets to take back most of the pension they worked hard to build up throughout their working life. It was hard watching Steve die slowly and looking into his painful face as if it had a voice of its own saying. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE" "I WANT TO LIVE" "I want to do all the things I never had time to do because I had to work so much."
Just the simple things like grandchildren, going for a drive, watching TV. The normal things all gone. We sit alone and then have to decide how to now organise our life. Change is harder as we get older. My Adult Children are living their own lives as we expect them to do. WE know what our loss means to us in every way. You expressed every way my life is just like yours. Retirement could have been great. Now nothing. I know how you feel. We just soldier on each day and hope we find some fulfillment. Best wishes.

Oct 01, 2012
so long ago
by: June

Hope, your comments are exactly the way I feel, we are so alone, even if we have a lot of family it isn't the same as having your loved one with you. My Mike passed away almost 7 months ago, I still can't believe it. I almost think he is coming back but common sense tells me of course he's not. It's the silence in the house that really gets me. I miss telling him about my day and hearing about his. I just miss him so much! My heart goes out to you and everyone who is going through this terrible time....and I feel it is getting worse.

Oct 01, 2012
so long ago...
by: silver

Hello Irwin and the others who posted to this note.You are right about so many things. My mother died 7 months after my father. She just sat in a chair,slept and sometimes watched TV My youngest son stayed with her all the time. She would eat but that's all. When she died,in my grief I wondered why she just didn't get going again and go back to bowling and bingo at the Senior Center with her friends.I felt guilty because I worked and couldn't be there to make sure she kept going.THEN it happened to me 11 months later.My love of 33 yrs died.I still can't take it all in. I wrote a note in here once called 'he's still gone.' It's been 16 months and I still expect to be able to turn around and he will be there and this was just a bad dream. Unfortunately, it's not so.No one can know the heartache and the loneliness that comes from your life partner gone unless they have been there. I went to church today and even there with the people I have known for sometime, I felt lonely. I pray to GOD each night to help me open my heart for peace because I know he is there waiting for me. You are right about another thing. My husband had medical problems and couldn't enjoy the physical side of our marriage but we still had affection,the "I love you's" the hugs,the cuddling,etc. I told one of my sons that what I missed most was his presence. That I could turn around and he would be there. We also were going to do some light traveling when I retired(he had already done so) but he died 2 months before I turned 62.I guess I was in shock because that birthday didn't hit me as hard as this year. I cried so hard(full out and out bawling and yelling)everyday for two weeks. I thought my breathing problems were from my asthma but on Sept 1st(2 weeks after my birthday) I found out that I had given my self severe acute bronchitis(raw inflamed lungs)PLEASE don't do what I did.I guarantee you it's awful and takes a long time to heal.There are still times I want to just quit but I don't because of my faith and my children. I couldn't do to them what happened to me with my parents. I still cry everyday.I'm still lonely,even in a crowd.I hate going anywhere because I know he won't be here when I get back.(I retired any way)I am finally getting up and washing clothes,doing the dishes,and on occasion cooking. I have to force myself as I would rather just lie in bed and cry or sleep.I send prayers and love to all of you in our situation.GOD send you strength to live again.That is the only strength that is keeping me going.

Sep 30, 2012
I understand
by: Mary

Your post touched my heart. It will be two years on Dec.8th that I lost my husband, Gene. We were married for 41 years, I am so fortunate to have had such a wonderful man as my husband. Like you I truly miss everything about our life together. Holding hands,a kiss, cuddling in the morning. Laughing and talking about our day,being with our children and grandchildren, taking drives, just everyday things. Life is so very different now. The lonliness is overwhelming. We didn't get a chance to enjoy our retirement together, now I sit alone on the weekends feeling sorry for myself and just missing my life with Gene. It took me along time to accept the fact that he is gone. I do have faith that one day we will be together again but until then I know what true lonliness is and try to get through each day the best that I can. No one knows how it feels to lose a spouse unless they too have gone through such an experience. To all that have, I too feel your pain and pray that in time we can all have peace in our live. Gene is and always will be in my heart, but sometimes it feels that memories are not enough.

Sep 30, 2012
so long ago.....
by: Doreen U.K.

Hope THANK YOU! for writing what every spouse feels at the loss of her lifelong partner.
so long ago.... feels longer than 5 months for me. It feels so long ago like 5yrs.
It is so long ago that we said I DO! 44yrs. ago.
It is so long ago that Steve worked with asbestos that gave him the cancer that cut short his life of 65yrs.
It is so long ago that Steve held his children now grown into Adults.
It is so long ago that I remember Steve being Healthy and not with cancer.
It is not long ago that I buried him which ended my life as I knew it and broke my Heart in pieces.
Thank you!!!

Sep 30, 2012
tears
by: Julie

Your post made me cry.
Why did they have to be taken from us???????

Sep 30, 2012
Such A Short Time
by: Judith in California

Oh Hope, now you have me crying with you. I so feel the way you do.
I've tried to be strong all these past two years but It's becoming harder here lately. And It's the beginning of my 3rd year without him and the distance is growing farther away from him. I had to put down another kitty that loved him this past week and I just feel miserable and feel so isolated even when I'm with others folks. I don't want to grow old alone but the process has already begun.
It seems so long ago but it's just a blip in time.
The things I was enjoying doing are not that fun now as I always cry on the way home wishing he had been with me. And it doesn't help that I'm still estranged from my only child.
We just don't get a do-over . Heart is still breaking.
With all of these feelings tho' I still am blessed each day but I'm still lonely for him.

Take care of yourself Hope .

Sep 30, 2012
SO LONG AGO
by: IRWIN DRESNER

THIS POST TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY HEAD. IT IS THE SAME WAY AS I FEEL. MY WIFE ALSO DIED 3 YEARS AGO ON OCT.5, 2009. I TRULY NEED SOMEONE IN MY LIFE. FOR 3 YEARS I WAS ALONE, I COOKED, CLEANED THE HOUSE, SHOPPED, WAS LONELY. I WANTED TO HAVE SOMEONE TO HOLD AND GO PLACES WITH. DURING THIS TIME I WRITTEN 14 POEMS, WORKED ON MY BOOK, DID COMPUTER WORK FOR MY VETERANS GROUPS, RACED WALKED BY MYSELF, EVEN THOUGH I KEPT BUSY SOMETHING WAS TRULY MISSING FROM MY LIFE. I WOULD HEAR FROM MY CHILDREN ABOUT ONCE EVER WEEK AS THEY LIVED FAR AWAY. YES I TRULY NEED SOMEONE TO CONTINUE. BELIEVE ME I FEEL THE SAME WAY AS THE ONE THAT WROTE THE POST "SO LONG AGO". HAVE A NICE SUNDAY. IRWIN

Sep 30, 2012
Thank you . . .
by: Anonymous

for this post. I am so angry right now at the loss of my love. This brought a sad smile to my face.

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