by Daddy's little girl
I lost my Dad on April 29, 2012. My mom and I had gone out for a few hours, not knowing we would come home to find my dad the way we did. He was my biggest fan, as I was his first. We always had a connection that no one else in my family could have. I broke his heart so many times and the first tear I ever saw him shed, was for me, was a couple of years ago. As a kid, he taught me everything...how to ride my bike, play softball, math and stand up for myself, even though he did it most of the time. He was my daddy and I was his little girl. I am 27 and feel like that kid again, only because I am lost but I don't have him anymore. I have been an addict for many years and he helped me through everything. My Dad was supposed to see me complete a program in October, the one person I knew would be there when I looked in the audience as I crossed the stage, but he wasn't. He was only 60 and when he blew his last breath on my ear, it was my last breath too. I'm so empty and sad and hurt and angry, I feel like I'm losing it. He was supposed to be here for my birthday and Christmas next week. Losing my daddy was so unexpected and I feel like I should have done something. You see, that morning he told me he was going to stop eating chocolate cause he had really bad heartburn the night before. He gave me this innocent look when he said it and I should have known. I can't seem to forgive myself for not knowing or being home since I'm always home on Sundays but the one Sunday that mattered, I was gone. Being the oldest, I have had to be strong these past 7 1/2 months for my mom and sisters but I'm dying inside.
Dad, I need you right now and I wish you were here. Mom, Amy, Caroline, Brianna and Brooklyn miss you too. Caroline is getting ready to have a little boy next week and I can't imagine what she is feeling with you not being here for it. I am so grateful for everything you have done for me over the past 27 years. I love you ( this much )
You will always be in my heart and I hope standing there next to me so I can feel you.
Forever and always,