So many losses

by Dana

I am 49, I lost my dad when i was 8, my step brother when i was 13, one set of grandparents when I was 24, my first born son (he was 23) when i was 39, (with both of my sons we found out were born with a rare illness when my oldest was 13) my other grandfather 3 years ago, my middle child (he was 25) 1 year 6 months ago, my other grandmother 1 month after him, my mother 6 months after her, my step father inlaw 6 months after her and yesterday 8 months later my father inlaw. I am a only child with one child left (she is sick also). Dealing with these losses knowing each child would die in their 20's with them needing so much medical care for years and My husband losses of 2 fathers in the same year (my children are his step kids) and with all mine the sadness is just overwhelming. It has not been good for our marriage of 14 years. Now i am in bad health and find myself to be cold with my feelings to others now, my mind never rests, my heart aches always. I just don't understand why so much death is around me, while you look at others that don't seem to be experiencing the same losses. I dream of the day i can just be at peace.

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