So much for time healing wounds.

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So much for time healing wounds.

by Millie

We didn't even get a diagnosis. She just---well we let her go after a week in ICU not really knowing what was wrong but knowing were it bad she would not fight it. I hate her doctor for not knowing. I would kick his ancient ass if I could. Who misses a cancer especially lung cancer diagnosis!? She never smoked but had all the signs. RED FLAG, old man! I hope he feels my pain every second of every day. I want him to remember her when he leaves too. I want him to remember what his ineptitude cost me. And frankly, I hate myself every day for not figuring it out.

Almost 2 years. I miss my best friend. Every day. Every minute. 34 is too young to lose your Mum.

Please. No talk of god or heaven or any of that crap. Some people DON'T believe in that stuff, ok?

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So much for time healing wounds.

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I don't think time does heal wounds
by: Ruby Starheart

Hi Millie

Sorry to hear about your mum. It is understandable (and normal!) to feel angry after a loved one dies, and contrary to the popular saying, I don't think time does heal wounds. As time passes we can progress through our grief, and as we work through the different feelings that come up, time passes and we gradually begin to feel better. However, this does also depend upon us working towards that healing in some way, so time on its own does not heal

It is also normal for it to take several years to reach a place of acceptance, of really coming to terms with what has happened, so two years and still feeling the pain of your loss is also normal - not fun, but normal.

Sending you much love
Ruby

Millie..
by: Vickie

I read your story and I am very sorry for the loss of your mom. Death is Never easy and losing your mom because some 'idiot' messed up is horrible. I came to this site because I lost my 26 yr. old daughter a couple yr's ago. I had lost my mom about three yr's before that. She had health problems. She was in and out of the hospital a few times but never properly diagnosed. She had nearly lost all her blood twice and had two very dangerous blood transfusions. No one Ever figured out the cause. When we would go to the doctor or the ER they would Always ask what caused it? I would tell them they don't know. They just shook their head and basically did nothing either. They did do a colonoscopy. In this country when you get pass a certain age, it's sad to say- but often they don't put much stock into finding cures. They figure you lived your life and if they try and save you-how much will that cost? People don't want to believe that the world can be like this-but it can. I don't blame you for being angry. If you had tried to pursue your moms case it would have been very emotionally draining and fighting the hospital, or doctor would be hard. Not saying impossible but very stressful. I finally just signed the papers for a small settlement from a suit I had filed from my daughters accident. The money is for her little girl when she is 21. I can tell you it was Not an easy road. I knew that going in, but it was barely all I could take. I realize now that it made my grieving even more difficult. One day that doctor will more than likely face his own mortality. For now you need to try and let go(of the anger) and see that it is only physically/mentally killing you. I respect your feelings toward God/religion. I would like to believe that one day I will see my daughter again, but I am not so sure if that possibility exists. I am spiritual and it isn't because I lost my child that I have doubts-it is who I was even before her death. Trying to tell someone to believe in something they don't- is like trying to force someone to like/love someone they don't. You simply can't. I will keep you close in my thoughts. There are wonderful people here and they will Listen. Maybe there is a support group in your area. There is one called Compassionate Friends that I hear is wonderful.

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