So much loss in so short a time

by Ginny
(Houston, Tx)

Last year 2011 was the worst year in my life. Every time I thought I had it covered, more came. My very good friend called me on my birthday in March - Days later, she passed away unexpectedly. My parents missed my birthday, and so after a few days, I called them to learn my Dad wasn't feeling well...Weeks later he was rushed to the hospital to learn he had lung cancer. He came home only to get worse and was rushed to the hospital. We lost him twice. Meanwhile one look at my mother and I got scared. She didn't look well, but was counting the days until my Dad came home to her. My Mom, weeks later, also was taken to the hospital. My Mom Died from liver cancer days after her birthday on May 20. My Dad died of lung cancer on June 8th. I was there for both of them as they slowly went down hill and suffered horribly.

I thought I was getting thru that - And then October, 4 months later, my son was killed during a confrontation with his brother. Oh my God...When I thought things couldn't get worse..They did... I have literally lost both sons. I thought I'd die trying to get thru that..I have cried and relived that a thousand times and picture him laying there on the ground bleeding to death, even though I was not there - and his last words were 1. Larry I still love you; and 2. Tell Evelyn I will always love her; Evelyn was his daughter and she was only 3 yrs. old and she adored him....He knew he was dying...and he knew he'd never see her again and was leaving her...

I cannot begin to tell you the incredible pain I am going thru on a daily basis...I want to change it and am helpless...And now my daughter in law will not even speak to me and so I've also lost my granddaughter...

Meanwhile I go thru the motions and go to work everyday and many days it is so incredibly hard and I have to leave my desk and go somewhere to cry..It's like I am caught up in a nightmare and I can't wake up.

I've been going to counseling and even seeing a psychiatrists too...and no one can help me. Days when I get so sad I can't stand it and then think "I need to call m y Dad"......and then realize I'm all alone with this pain - he's not there either...I am so overwhelmed and many days I am bordering on barely functioning - Yet, I have a high functioning job and must go to work and do a good job....

Thank you for letting me share...

Comments for So much loss in so short a time

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Sep 24, 2012
God 's Blessings
by: Kady

May our Loving Father in Heaven hold you tight through your grief, Cry cry cry, it helps to cleanse the soul,and allows healing to begin. LOVE TO ALL,YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS. GOD BLESS US ALL THROUGH THE GRIEF, REMEMBER,FAITH& HOPE.

Aug 31, 2012
Hello!
by: Stacey

I lost so many people in a short time but your story is so much worse. My son dying was what threw me under the bus but my heart aches for you. Its horrific what you are going through. I wish we could talk. I am sure no one understands your pain. I hope you can sometimes take off the mask and just cry. Sometimes it is too frightening. I will have you in my thoughts tonight. Hugs. Tears

Aug 12, 2012
I am so sorry for You
by: malgosia

My heart goes to You, and to all of us who having tragedies like that. I lost my 30 year old son on june 30/ 2012. He died at his girlfriend house. I still don't know what happen , I suspect was OD of his prescription meds. He was taking sleeping pills, antidepressants , anxiety pills and two days before his dr. prescribe valium. I said to him that i think this is dangerous to take so many pills, but he said his dr. said was OK.
And saturday I got THE CALL. My baby is dead. It is a month and a half and I can not stop crying, I can't leave the house I can't comb my hair.I did not clean my house yet-for what. I have his ashes in the house, and his pictures all over the house.
My mom has stage 4 breast Cancer, and she leaves in europe by herself( I have no anther family) the dr. said they can do nothing for her because of her heart-cauple heart surgeries , she is also diabetic . My heart was breaking I can not be with her. Why? You ask - because my husband is fighting stage 4 lung cancer.
I have not anther close family. My son said "don't wary mom, I will always be there for You, like You always are for me, well he is not, and was not there to save him, looking back, I could do so many things different , when I seen him last time. i DONT KNOW WHY DID I NOT STAY AND TALK MORE ABOUT THE MEDS HE WAS TAKING.
Now I can only cry and regret my actions or rather not taking them. I would end my suffering , but I don't want my mom hurt like I do, and I need to take care of my husband, but tell You the truth,I don't think I am doing anything good for him. I can cook anymore, it is hard to get up from bed, walk or even catch a breath.

I know, knowing that others having to go trough pain, does not ease Your pain, but I want You to know I care about Your feelings, I understand, and I will keep You in my prayers ( even if right now I am questioning God and..)

Aug 12, 2012
so much loss in so short a time
by: Doreen U.K.

Ginny I am so terribly sorry for your many losses in your life. Of course you feel as if you are living in a nightmare, and it is one. I am having difficulty losing my husband to lung cancer 3 months ago. But you have sustained a massive loss of people from your life. I don't know if I could go on from such a massive loss. You should try and consider Grief Counselling. I see this as being URGENT. I don't think you should tackle your grief on your own without support. It is overwhelming. You need to grieve each loss in relation to the relationship you had with each individual. Holding down a job is normally a good diversion. But with all the grief you are carrying, it would become a burden which is why you need to tackle this whole area with a grief counsellor. Even if one had to come to your home. It is worth it for your peace of mind and also your continuing on each new day in a more comfortable way. It will take a long long time for grief to do its work before healing takes place. But avail yourself of all the support you need to make your grief journey more bearable. Ginny looking at your post again I noticed you have already been in counselling and seen psychiatrists and no one can help you. You are going mad with grief. You feel ALL ALONE. You are not ALONE. You need to find a counsellor who can help you. You probably have got the wrong ones. There is no such thing as not being able to help you. They are PROFESSIONALS. Sometimes one has to even shop around till they find the right counsellor. You can also find a Church. Reach out to God. He is our COMFORTER. Find pastoral help and support. find the support of a church family to sustain you in this awfull pain. Please write back. My personal email to support you is doreenelkington@aol.com

Aug 12, 2012
Crying is O.K. Ginny
by: Doreen U.K.

Kevin in your reply to Ginny I picked up your story and would like to say that I am so sorry for your losses in your life. Your loss of your wife and the loss of your Mom's health that could put her life in jeopardy.
You are facing one of the worst times of grief that is so unfair. Crying is cathartic, but sometimes crying although normal is not enough and we really want to scream and get angry with what is going on in our world. You are in a very very painfull place. You are a working man holding down a job so you are not able to be with your mom long distance. It is hard juggling a job and needing to be elsewhere. You have a very ill mother, you also have children who I take it live with their mother but you may have access visits. Life can be so cruel. Try and grieve each loss separately. Even with the help of a grief counsellor for support. This is not shamefull to need support. You will be able to cope with the many different things going on in your life. It is talking things out that will help you make some of the decisions you need to make but making it better without the intrusion of all this grief that gets in the way. Of course you miss your wife and for her to flaunt a boyfriend in your face is ugly and painfull. If you are not able to resolve matters with your wife try and put things in your life that will make your days better. Even if it be God. God has been my total support throughout my life. He sustains me. But we also have to live on the earth and we need companionship. You will be in a very lonely place right now. I hope that things do get better with the right support and that your grief will not overwhelm you. I hope that your mother's health may be in a better place for her to cope with and that she will also be well supported.

Aug 12, 2012
You're Not Alone
by: Anonymous

He Ginny

I came to this page because I was googling pages on how to deal with loss and clicked around, landing on your post by chance. I'm very sorry for all that stuff - I can't imagine.

But you have to believe that there is a place for you to feel ok. You can't see it now, maybe, but it's there. You're parents passed, I know it hurts but we are built to absorb that pain - as a species, we have absorbed it for millions of years.

With you sons, it will be hard. But you will make it. Do you have a support group nearby? Maybe you should look for one.

Good luck.

Aug 11, 2012
Crying is ok Ginny
by: Kevin

Ginny,
The first thing I want to tell you is that I'm so so sorry that this series of terrible things has happened to you, and it must be pretty damn overwhelming to have them all happen in such a short time period.

For what it's worth, I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with crying. When it happens, just let it happen. Really. It's supposed to happen for valid biological or psychological reasons, in my opinion. Don't ask me what those reasons are, but I just feel like they do exist.

Let me share my painful situation with you so you can at least know that I cry too. First, however, I don't want you to think that I feel my losses are worse than yours. They feel pretty bad for me, and that's really the only way to say it.

I am a 43 year old man (an attorney)who feels that 2012 has been the worst year of my life, by far. My wife of 10 years (together 12) left me in January. My two little girls, ages 5 and 7, are gone now. My step kid, ages 14 and 16, are gone now too. I raised all of them together and gave them everything I could. I love each of them with all of my heart. My step kids' father is an alcoholic and has never spent much time with them or paid any support. In March, my mom was diagnosed with liver cancer and pancreatic cancer. She is stage 4, and we're just hoping we make it until the end of the year.

My wife filed for divorce in April and has a 31 year old boyfriend who works as a firefighter and spends all his free time with my wife. He has no kids and is 8 years younger than my wife. They lock themselves in my wife's bedroom while my 5 year old and 7 year old get put in front of the tv.

I miss my family, even my wife, and I can't do anything to get them back. I've done everything possible. I live 1500 miles from my mom's house, so I cannot even see her and be with her like both of us want/need.

I cry. A lot. It feels like crying helps a little to comfort my aching heart. It's not something I am ashamed of or worried about. When I feel like I need to cry, I just do it. Given what you've been through, you should cry all you want to. That was so brave, kind, and loving of your son to tell his brother! It shows how quickly he forgave, and that is amazing and inspirational to me.

Ginny, I hope you find a little peace, or maybe even a whole lot of peace, God willing. :)


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