So Much Pain Inside, I Miss My Grandpa Very Much

by Justyn
(United States)

Im a 15 year old boy, and about a month ago I lost my amazing grandfather. He was 63 years old, very healthy for his age and looked real good for being 63. I was so close to him, he was always there for me, and tought me so much. He was such a cool grandpa, he was a biker. My mom, dad, and I had recently moved in with my grandma and grandpa (almost a year). It was a day that I got home from school. Then I heard my grandpa get home from work. About 30 minutes later, he was going to leave. I went outside and talked to him before he got on his harley and took off. All day, we couldnt get a hold of him. We were all worried. That night was the worst night of my life. At about 7 or 8 pm, I looked out my window and saw highway patrols. My grandma, mom, and dad went outside as I stayed in my room. My heart began to beat rapidly, I had a bad feeling. All of a sudden, I hear my mom and grandma screaming and crying. I ran outside as they told me my grandpa died in a motorcycle accident. I started crying like never before. I was so angry and sad, I really thought that I was having a nightmare. Today I still cry and feel depressed once in a while. Every morning I get up for school, and its only me. I used to get up and see my grandpa up with his coffee watching the news and getting ready for work. About a 2 months before my grandpa passed, my great grandpa died too. So it makes it even worse. I just feel so angry and sad. I was the last person to talk to my grandpa. I remember telling him right before he left that if i would see him later, i dont know why. He said yes, and told me to be cool. What makes it even worst is that I lived with him. I keep telling myself to stay strong, and to make him proud of me. I keep praying to God to give me the strength to get through this. I know he is in a better place but I still miss him so much. I havnt been doing to good in school lately. My grades are dropping. Thinking of memories and looking at pictures is just too painful. I even still talk to a picture of him when I feel super sad. I just wish I could see him one more time...I dont know if ill get over this.

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Jun 01, 2014
I understand
by: Anonymous

Im sorry for your loss and I totally understand in the past 8 weeks both my grandmothers have passed I am eleven and I feel that the pain will never stop its like my family and life will never be the same

May 25, 2014
me too, today..
by: Anonymous

Justyn, I lost my grandpa this morning at 7 o'clock, ugh man does my heart flipping break, I have never lost a family member and since I was 12 or 13 my grandpa and I hadn't been very close and i am 24 now and I only seen him a select few times, but let me tell you this now since you are young, soon this will be an amazing story to share the legacy of your grand father to your children some day, the pain will get easier with time but this missing will never stop. I'm with you today pal tears pouring down my face and a heart that legitimately hurts badly, walking around like a zombie cause I don't know what to do with the hurt right now..please get better my friend..they can only from here.. prayers to you..

Apr 28, 2014
Sweet Memories
by: Horse KK

Hi Justyn, so sorry to hear about your grandpa's passing. The pain will start to ease slowly but in the mean time please do not be afraid to let people know how you are feeling. You don't have to be strong, you're young. One thing you should cherish is the time you spent with grandpa & all things you did together. He's around you, just look for a sign, most of the time their souls come yo us in our dreams & also as an insect like a butterfly, lady beetle .... You'll know when it's grandpa, just allow him to come and sooth your soul. Be safe & keep him close in your hearts. Xx

Apr 28, 2014
So Much Pain Inside, I Miss My Grandpa Very Much
by: Doreen UK

Justyn I am so sorry for your loss of your grandpa to a sudden death. Most of us feel like we will never get over our loss, as is common in those initial days of losing our loved one. I felt the same way. I didn't understand this pain of grief and thought it would be like this forever and I couldn't bear it. The secret I learned on this site is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. You are also so young and wouldn't be mature enough to cope with all the changes taking place, and what is expected of you, within the family. You may feel a certain protection over your mother and grandma, because this is what males do. They are seen as the protector and keeper of the family by design. Although this is now changing with the times.
You say your grades are suffering. This is to be expected. Best thing to do is to speak to the school counsellor/Head and let them know what is going on. They will not only be understanding, but may be able to offer you the correct type of support you need. You may also not be put in a class where difficulties could arise which would embarrass you and cause you more stress and add to your grief. Mostly people will be sensitive towards you and understanding. Just make sure not too much is expected of you to the degree you suffer anxiety. Nip this in the bud. Often people could go on for years suffering anxiety because they didn't know what to expect from grief and what supportive agencies were available to help them cope and allow them to move forward into a healthier happier life.
Of course it HURTS. People enhance our lives, as we do theirs. When death occurs to interfere with what is normal and necessary for our social and emotional development, we will feel very lost, lonely, isolated, anxious, and perhaps a little fearful of what the future holds and how you will fit in the family without your loved one there on a daily basis. It is such an upheaval and will take many people months, and for some years to start to function again in the way they want, or need to. A lot of healing and moving forward will also come with age and maturity. So don't force yourself to cope and show others you are being grown up moving on, because this is expected of you. Don't be afraid to ask for help, so your needs are met. Talk as much as you need to. You will recover from your grief and get your life back, but in a different way that we all have to adapt to when we lose a close loved one.

Apr 27, 2014
Be strong your joy will come again
by: Anonymous

Hi Justin I know how you feel. I am so sad at your loss and I hope that as time goes by you will heal from all that pain. I too recently lost my mother to cancer. She was 72 looking very young, she was so active. She took sick suddenly and i took her to the doctor and that was when I found out about her sickness. My mother and I was really close as mother and daughter could be. I do cried, have sad days, I am also in college and it is very hard,. Even though I am 50 years old her death affect me in a terrible way. I pray to God and ask him to help me through this very difficult time in my life. As long as you believe God he will help you and also take away the in due time, just believe when you pray.Let your parents know how you feel, they can get counseling for you, i will keep you in prayer. Be blessed

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