So sudden

by Michele
(South Fork, CO)

First, let me tell you that on the December 4th, 2011 I lost my Grandfather, and then on December the 19th, just two short weeks after my Grandfather died, my sister died.

You see I live in South Fork, CO and was going to go to Amarillo, TX for an appointment and when a snow storm came in I had to cancel and it just so happened that they rescheduled the test for December the 19th. My mom had taken my sister to the doctor on Tuesday the 13th urinating blood so they put her on Cipro. When Rob and I go to Amarillo we stay with my parents. We got to town on the 17th my sister called dad bent over in pain that evening so he took her to the ER and they said that the antibiotics she was given was not even touching her infection so they prescribed stronger antibiotics and she took one as soon as she got home.(Sunday the 18th) The next day her fiance stayed home with her to make sure she took her medicine, but she would just wake up enough to say she was too tired to take them and go back to sleep. My husband Rob & I stayed up to watch some t.v. and when we were going to bed my Mom got up and said she was very jittery and just could not sleep. I told her goodnight and see her in the morning. No longer had we laid down to go to sleep did my Mom come in the room saying, "Oh Michele. Danisha is dead." I have never seen my Mom so distraught and my Dad too. We were all in such shock and dismay. I started calling people Mom and Dad wanted to notify and when I called my Niece's husband so he could let her know; unbeknownst to me he had his phone on speaker and when I told him that my Niece's mom died I heard such a wail from my Niece that I will never forget or ever want to experience again.

I love my sister so much and it is so hard to believe that she has suddenly ceased to exist. I cannot ask her forgiveness for the things I have done; or forgive her like she so badly wanted me to forgive her for the things she had done to me; now it is all too late. We had great times together so many good memories and a few bad ones sprinkled in. It is odd though...once someone you love so much dies those bad things just seem so stupid and trivial. I wish I could have seen her one last time and got one more of her precious hugs. Right now I ask myself a lot of what if, or should I have, or if I would have knowing all too well nothing is going to change what has happened to my sister. You see, when I was at church they were saying how important forgiving is, and then when I get home my mom says "forgiving" is so important, and then driving around Amarillo I keep hearing God's still small voice saying go see your sister and I ignored them all because I had to be right and play the victim no matter how much my Sister asked me and tried to make things right. Now I have the guilt each and every day of how bad and stupid I am for not heeding God's voice, the sermon at church, and my Mom. All I have to say is forgive those who ask you and don't ask you. You may think you are high and mighty and do not need those people in your life, but let me tell you first hand that you do especially your family.

Comments for So sudden

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Jan 12, 2012
so sorry
by: Jen

I'm so sorry about your loss Michele - I lost my oldest son on October 25, 2011 to a sudden death which devastated me. I love what you wrote about's so important that we have a forgiving heart in the example that Jesus forgives us so readily. Forgivness is hard but such a poison. when my grama died I had a lot of unfinished business so I can relate to a lot of what you said about wishing and wanting that one last moment with your lost loved one. One thing that helped me was to write a letter to that person (in this case your sister) and go to her grave and read it. All I can say is when you have been forgiven so much (through Christ Jesus) we have to extend that same forgivness to others in our lives....these are the hard lessons learned in life but also know that you will be reuinted with your sister in paradise and she is always watching over you! take care

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