Something has changed

by Judy
(Rockledge FL)

Something has changed for me, in me and about me. Somehow over the past six weeks or so I have emerged from an unhappy person to a happy one. I know that I was feeling better but the other day my boss heard me singing as I was going back to my desk from the ladies room. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I was singing. My first husband used to say that a singing Judy was a happy Judy. A happy Judy has somehow moved in with me.

I don't know quite how this happened. It's true that I have felt better physically and emotionally, and I have reached a point of acceptance where I can talk about Barry and little things he said and did with warm fondness and not overwhelming sadness. Things don't get me down like they did and my confidence in myself is better than it has been for a while. I am beginning to like myself again.

I still am lonely a lot of the time, and I still miss Barry. But now I can think forward to the future and not be afraid. I don't know what's out there but whatever it is, I can handle it.

Can grief have run it's course for me?

JM

Comments for Something has changed

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Mar 30, 2011
something has changed
by: jules

Judy I am so happy for you - my change has been over the last six weeks as well, I know now that I am on my own, he won't come back. But I know that I can live with that, and become "me" again - I am well on the way to that now. I am making plans, I can go out and have a really good time - I can tow my caravan anywhere I want to go - I am happy.
So, keep singing Judy - and I will keep laughing -
one step - one breath
take care
jules

Mar 27, 2011
Thank you
by: Terri

I am happy for you. After just 3 months, You give me hope.

Mar 26, 2011
Texas
by: Donna

Judy I am so happy for you. I hope that someday I will be able to sing again. I smiled at something that someone said the other day. My oldest daughter was with me and said mom your smiling, its so good to see you smile again, I wish you would do it more often. I didn't even realize that I had smiled. It was an isolated event, I haven't smiled since, maybe some day. You have helped me so much thank you. I wish you a happy future.

Mar 26, 2011
the medimorphasis of life and death
by:

Judy,

If we were horses in a race we would be neck and neck to the finish line called grief. But there is no actual finish line. I too will find myself singing and I know that that is a good sign.

You hit the nail on the head when you said you are starting to like yourself. Without our liking ourselves we stay in the quicksand of grief.

Perhaps You are further along but it is no matter. My self confidence has an ebb and flow thus I still have good and not so great days. Notice that when you are sure of yourself feeling as close to normal as you are going to get, that people will not flock towards you, not gravitate towards you exactly but you earn more smiles. More genuine moments that help you feel that maybe just maybe your going to be o.k.

Pulling ourselves out of this funk the happiness that grief destroyed is by no means easy. But turning the corner towards happiness indeed is
a monumental thing. Not to be taken for granted as nothing will be the same again. We loved we lost and we must learn to be happy with ourselves. That is the healing that allows us to be free and enjoy life again.
HH

Mar 25, 2011
Atta Girl!!
by: TrishJ

Good for you Judy. I'm still in the crying stage (it's only been 4 months). Today I actually listened to the CD that was prepared for my husband's funeral and only broke down a few times. I couldn't even consider listening to it before today so I guess I'm making some progress. Little baby steps.
I was thinking on Wednesday that I actually got through the day without crying. Thursday I spent 1/2 the day in tears (I guess to make up for the day before).
This grief is draining. One good day followed by two bad. You do inspire me. God's blessings to you. I hope you continue to do well. Moving forward does not mean we will ever forget or stop loving them. Good job.

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