Sometimes I Forget The Year My Mother Died

by chicamarron
(Florida, USA)

The title of my story explains something I have gone through, and nothing that I am proud of. My mom died my second year of undergraduate studies at a well-known and highly established state university. The sad part is, I have a hard time remembering the exact year in which my mother died. I have a hard time placing a finger on that date, was I smoking too much marijuana? Was I drinking too much the months before her death? I doubt it. Because according to the way I spiraled after her death, the pre-mother death years (Cold, I know, but a good way to explain what I am trying to say) were NOTHIN compared to how I reacted to her death and I still remember everything after her death, and before it, too. I just cannot remember the year she died. For God's sake I doubt I'd have remembered the date, but she so happened to have taken the ticket to heaven on my boyfriend's birthday. So, when people tell me " oh my, it has been _____ years since your mother passed, how are you coping?!" I want to tell them to screw off. Do not remind me of how many ill years Ive spent without my very ill mother. And second of all, DO NOT remind me that I actually forgot to remember when she died because maybe it is a coping mechanism, but maybe it is more of a forgetting mechanism. I have YET to meet a person who has lost another, and loves to recount the years they have spent without that person. With that being said, I think I have had the most therapeutic rant on this website's little blog--ability--session...For all the girls, boys, men and women who have lost a mother, and have a hard time coping, just remember, as much as many will tell you that time heals all---the truth is, only time can heal what you allow it to heal. so express yourself. and cry. get mad. rebel. write. and do not forget, most importantly that the best to fill the void that the death of a person leaves, is to fill it, with love, and ONLY love. hatred and anger will get you nowhere far, it will leave you closer to death than you were on the sad day you went to that funeral. so be positive. and spread knowledge, kindness and love---<3 prayers to all of you have a lot

Comments for Sometimes I Forget The Year My Mother Died

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Dec 16, 2011
You Go!!!
by: Tina in Chicago

I hear you!!! These idiots that don't know you spend your mornings crying just to get started with your day. Then you act as if you are "one of the gang" cause they expect you to be "over it" by now. Then you go home and crash cause they aint there no more. Then you cry and go to bed and start all over again. All the while you are trying to forget that moment in the day when you started to call them and remembered they are gone, or you wake up getting ready to go look in on them, or you see their favorite show and you cry. Man this sucks. I feel better that you told them all off for all of us. You Go.

Nov 09, 2011
thank you for this post!
by: Anonymous

I want to thank you for your honesty and your advise to us who have lost a mother. I happen to be one of the many who know the date and time of death but I think that has to do with the fact that I am in the medical field. Its routine to call time and death of a person who has passed...but the strange part is that even though I know the date and time... I absolutely cannot grasp how long Ive been in this world without my mother. Thank you for not letting me feel alone in this pain. I feel scared that it will never go away because it gets so bad some days and lately...the hurt is worse. I'll give your advice a is time to cry and really mourn my loss. God bless you in all you do. Your words have inspired me to share and cry and feel again.

Nov 09, 2011
Advice appreciated
by: Novi

My mom passed away this morning and I feel numb but your letter still got through to me.

I'm sorry for your pain and thankful for your advice.

~ Novi

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