Son's accidental drug overdose haunts me still, 2 years later
2 years ago, my son Mark died of an accidental drug overdose at 28 years of age. Part of my heart and soul was instantly removed. I found him dead at 9:00 am on May 31st, 2010, and my world has never been the same. It's true that grief becomes less intense, but the void it leaves in your heart is there forever. None of us realize what it is like to lose a child... people always say "I just can't imagine" ...and I was one of those people. None of us think it will ever "happen to me". I have to say that, NO, you can NOT imagine this pain. Just about the time you think you are going to be okay, your world comes crashing down on you. For example, this year I thought I would be better off going to work on the anniversary of Mark's death. You know, I thought I could just "stay busy" and maybe that would be a good thing, but what a disaster that was. I started crying about an hour after I got to work and I couldn't stop. I relived the whole thing in my mind, especially that moment I found him dead: the look on his face, the aspiration from his lungs, how I screamed in agony, what it felt like when they told me he was "gone", how it looked when they had his body on the stretcher with a sheet over his head. It was all so surreal....and it all came crashing down on me again when I did not expect it. In the future, I will never work again on that day. I will take the day off to honor him in some way and to think of the good things...like his heart of pure gold.