Last night my husband got into a rather heated argument over our son who died June 6,2011, @ the age of 31. Today I totally regret the things I said to my husband, I really really do.I not sure what got hold of me, a rage that was totally uncalled for. Maybe it was a rage I've had pent up since we got the horrible news. I told my husband that our son told me many times that he thought that his Dad hated him. Unfortunately, this was a true statement. Over the years my husband and son were always at each other. Reality is they were very much alike, and maybe that was what caused the problems between them. Honestly I don't know, but I was always caught in the middle. I believe I hurt my husband. How selfish of me, how could I be so mean? I'm sorry Homer, I know your heart is broken too, maybe a little more than mine because of your relationship with our son. I'm Sorry!
In less than two hours it will be the one year mark when I lost my 23 year old son Dimitri. There have been all sorts of emotions that have raced through me since that day. One was anger. I'm pissed that Dimitri died. I don't understand it and I will NEVER understand it. You need to express this anger or it will eat you alive. I have found a couple of safe places to share this anger with others in the same boat. One is The Compassionate Friends and the other is a facebook site called Grieving Mothers. It is still very fresh for you. At the one year mark it still feels like yesterday but I've found methods to cope. I'm sending hugs to you and telling you to be gentle on yourself. Losing a child is the most catastrophic thing that can happen to a parent. It is so sad and so irreversible and so confusing. I'll pray you find some peace. Shirley in California
Words of grief that cut like a knife by:
I hope that you have talked to your husband about your razor sharp words. What was said can not be taken back but it can be talked through. Tell him that grief has made you a lunatic. It makes us all a crazy so you are not alone.
Years ago my son and I went through his teen years at each others throats. I know now that it was because we were alike. Both of your hearts are broken and it is my wish, my hope that you can lean on each other in this most difficult time.
You will find your emotions and your words at an insane and desperate level that leaves you feeling out of control. Please come here often to find sanctuary. This is the safe place to vent because we understand having been there too. Read on and know that you are not alone. Always one step one breath at a time... HH
