Sorry momma.

by Mary

At noon on December 22,2012, a sister called to tell me my mom didn't feel well but didn't want to bother my dad cuz he wasn't feeling well either. She had cardiac issues and had just had a cardio version 1 month prior.

I actually called her and very sternly said, call cardiology or I would. I had already called a brother to go take her blood pressure and drive her. He was on his way. So my last words were not very kind.. But I was concerned and knew she needed to go to the ED.

Within 5 minutes the brother was walking thru the door and watched my itty bitty mother collapse to the floor. He started CPR and my dad called the squad. At 12:30, she was loaded in the squad and on her way to the ED. I waited at my house thinking the local hospital would stabilize her and transfer her to the cardiac "city" hospital.

When a sister texted that they had just asked my dad if he wants them to keep trying or let her go.... We jumped and drove the hour.

She died while my sister a brother and I were on the way.

Christmas was very difficult but we continued on for the children. The funeral was a blurr.

I miss my mom so much. And my heart brakes when I see how sad my dad is. I try to handle as much as I can for him but am an hour away. I have nine siblings but he depends on me a lot.

The house is exactly as mom left it. Her clothes, her shoes, her jewelry, her desk. No one wants to change anything. I reach for the phone daily to call and tell her something funny or important... And stop myself because momma won't answer.

2012 was difficult, brother in law Jon, uncle jack, my mother Joann. All unexpected and all important people in my life.

I made it thru christmas, her birthday but many more important days coming.... But every DAY and I mean EVERY DAY is hard. I am afraid my father will die of a broken heart. Which will be very hard on me since my heart is already shattered.

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