Sounds in the morning and at night I humor myself in believing that it is you on the other side attempting to get my attention. Sounds like I am going mad when I say this out loud but knowing there is this site makes me feel somewhat normal again. Sounds of music on the radio I say to myself talking to you "just make the next song be our song or the one you used to play for me" then I will know for sure thAT YOU ARE STILL AROUND. I watch the movie "what dreams may come" over and over because that was the present i got for you one of your birthdays ago. I remember the sounds of your cries when we watched over the phone together. There are little things that bring you home to me once in awhile. I stand in the kitchen and indulge in my imagination that you are standing behind me pulling my hair away from my neck and kissing my cheek and rubbing my pregnant belly. I imagine that later you and I will have a beautiful evening. We will sit at our table with our beautiful children then take a walk down to the river and enjoy the twilight hour. After we would put the kids to bed by reading a story together with them. Then you and I would slip into our room and giggle and tickle each other and embrace one another with our undying love. I remember how we talked about this dream and how you thought i wouldnt want to be a stay at home mom or wife. But you were wrong to think that; it has been my dream. I would have gone to church with you and I would have done whatever it took to let you know that you could count on me and that i would never disgrace our love. You must believe me now that you are on the other side reading this. The sound you must have heard when you pulled the trigger and turned on your own self and me. Why???? Why do I hear you? How much longer can I be away from you? I must know you are okay. Sounds like people saying I need to get over you. Sounds of the quiet are unsettling. I miss you so.