by Waits

Sounds in the morning and at night I humor myself in believing that it is you on the other side attempting to get my attention. Sounds like I am going mad when I say this out loud but knowing there is this site makes me feel somewhat normal again. Sounds of music on the radio I say to myself talking to you "just make the next song be our song or the one you used to play for me" then I will know for sure thAT YOU ARE STILL AROUND. I watch the movie "what dreams may come" over and over because that was the present i got for you one of your birthdays ago. I remember the sounds of your cries when we watched over the phone together. There are little things that bring you home to me once in awhile. I stand in the kitchen and indulge in my imagination that you are standing behind me pulling my hair away from my neck and kissing my cheek and rubbing my pregnant belly. I imagine that later you and I will have a beautiful evening. We will sit at our table with our beautiful children then take a walk down to the river and enjoy the twilight hour. After we would put the kids to bed by reading a story together with them. Then you and I would slip into our room and giggle and tickle each other and embrace one another with our undying love. I remember how we talked about this dream and how you thought i wouldnt want to be a stay at home mom or wife. But you were wrong to think that; it has been my dream. I would have gone to church with you and I would have done whatever it took to let you know that you could count on me and that i would never disgrace our love. You must believe me now that you are on the other side reading this. The sound you must have heard when you pulled the trigger and turned on your own self and me. Why???? Why do I hear you? How much longer can I be away from you? I must know you are okay. Sounds like people saying I need to get over you. Sounds of the quiet are unsettling. I miss you so.

Comments for Sounds

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Sep 13, 2011
Sounds of Love
by: Anonymous

After reading a book a friend recommended to me I learned how to interpret the "sounds" around me. We all want validation that our loved one is safe and waiting for us. I know they are. Take comfort in the signs you receive.
Your post is beautiful and I felt your writing coming from your soul. Keep coming hear to pour your heart out. It is healthy to share your thoughts. God bless.

Sep 12, 2011
Sounds - corrected version
by: M Mack

I'm sorry that I misread your post and now realize you both had dreams of having children, a life together. Now you are alone and sad that your dreams weren't meant to be. You are young, so have faith that your dreams all around just don't see them today. My best to you for happiness.

Sep 12, 2011
by: M Mack

I feel your pain and know your sorrow. Your grief seems raw at best and you are trying to understand the reality of what happened. I am so sorry for your loss and know what you are going through as many others on this site share your experience. If you think you are hearing him come through, than that is what it is. Don't doubt yourself and read what others know and have experienced. Now you can't believe everthing you read but there are many who claim they are still with us in the afterlife. The signs and sounds are ways of communicating, keeping in touch with our reality.

Please take care of yourself and your children. Grieving brings takes every ounce if strength and I'm sure you feel the weakness. Know that he loves you and never meant to hurt you. Come here as much as you need to because there is always someone listening at any hour. You have support here and will not be judged for venting. I pray you find peace and hope on your journey and serenity to accept what you cannot change.

Sep 12, 2011
Missing what could have been, might have been

A lot of people do not believe or know of the afterlife. What happens when you die? I certainly was not ready to read and find out what the general consensus was initially. It took a long time for my interest to peak on such a ...unknown possibility.

My beliefs on life and death have changed dramatically since My Love died. It is only within the last 6 months that I had the courage to even look up such a thing.

Regardless of your beliefs on the matter many of us do hear songs after they "pass" and even though I wanted it to be a possibility I figured it was merely consequence. But too many things have happened since he died.

One thing is the fact that the door bell to both the Front (broken) and the Back (working) rings especially when I am having a bout of grief.

As the 2nd Fall comes and the horrible 3rd Winter since he died I find myself not back to square one but missing him horribly. I think that I am through with grief, or the worst part of it and then something will happen. Like hurricane Irene, which forces me to go on survival mode. Yet miss surviving without him. We need a new roof and the living room ceiling attempted to come down with the heavy rain that we have had.

Yes I did what was necessary but I miss him and though proud hate being the man of the house. This independence that I am getting used to is a source of pride. But having someone to share the good and bad called life is a definite adjustment.

I do not know how far in grief you are. Sounds rather recent and very painful. So please come here as often as you need. This is the one place that you can let it all hang out. Every thing that you are thinking and feeling and it will never be held against you.

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