speration anxiety

by jay

I don't know where or how to begin. Well 5 years ago my wife left me and our 3 boys. She came in and out of their lives a little. Well in the process of custody issues and trying win custody of my boys me and long time friend got involved. She was great, helped me thru all the custody and hard times and we were so in love. She became a great step-mom which I never asked her do. After couple years she wanted one of her own. So 2 years ago our little son was born. I felt so complete as a family. It was hard at times with 4 boys but we were so in love. But next thing you know day after day became the same. We rarely had a babysitter and well didn't get do much. Well she started becoming very unhappy saying she needed more out of life and at times after 4 years would say I didn't have all theses kids you did. We still would have night outs and time to ourselves but for most part our lives were taking care and running a house of 4 boys. Well it got to point I had let her go. She said she needed more out of life. Well I,ve let her go and thought she would of missed me and my boys. She was such good step-mom. Well she hasn't looked back. She says she gonna live the life she deserves and doesn't want come back to us. I see our baby every other day. But for 5 weeks now I haven't seen her, she wants nothing do with me and tells me move on. We used be so in love you had see it to understand. Just few months ago she said she was unhappy but didn't know how to live without me. So now im confused how a love and someone who couldn't go to sleep without me now doesn't want even see me. She says its cause it makes her sad and confused, I say that's crap. She went from being here as a family to us for 4 years to nothing. Im so hurt, confused, and in such pain. yes I know man up and I have but im still human and I just don't understand any of it. so she doesn't want this life of raising all my kids, I understand some, but to point of no contact and she is fine moving on really hurts. I miss her so much and I think my boys do too. But she just seems fine these past 4 to 5 weeks. I haven't seen her in weeks and its getting better but still confused, feel betrayed. She used really love me and my boys.

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Aug 12, 2013
Say Good Riddance
by: Judith in California

I'm going to say to you what I say to women. Your self esteem is at a low for you to out up with a wishy-washy person like this. You must figure out what it is about you that you would tolerate being emotionally abused like that. Some women see an easy target and pounce on it. You made it easy for her to do what she did by taking her back so many times.

As Doreen suggested ..please seek counseling to help you get back your self esteem and never , ever tolerate being treated like dirt by anyone. You deserve better.

Aug 09, 2013
separation anxiety
by: Doreen U.K.

Jay I am sorry for your loss of 2 women from your life. Try and see a counsellor and see what is going on under the surface for 2 women to exit your life. Don't take it personally. It could just be such simple matter that can be put right by counselling. Counselling was the best thing I did for myself. I grieved my losses and didn't let them intrude into a marriage that would have ended. I did it to make life better for my family and it did.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 15 months ago to cancer. I have no regrets. I did my best and I guess this is all any of us can do.
I just happened to have strong principles and put my children before any type of life I thought I was missing. I guess it does help if one can focus on being A PARENT and do the right thing for each other. Children need a lot of nurturing and love and this should be top priority. I know a couple needs to balance social life with parenthood and this isn't always easy to find the right balance.
My sister in Australia had four children. Her husband left her with his four from his first marriage and she just got on with the job of rearing these children. It wasn't easy for her. She had a hard life and 3 breakdowns with lack of support and no money. But she did her best. Life is hard and we don't always get it right. My youngest sister entered marriage for the second time and took on her husband's 3 boys. She was resentful and had many problems. She was the opposite to the eldest sister who took on 8 children by herself and did her best. So I guess it all depends on what one values more. When our back is against the wall it is more important to forget ourselves and get on with the business of rearing children to go into a world and make a success of life. When it is done you will feel so happy you put the children first. I was just able to put my needs last. so was my eldest sister. But our youngest sister put her needs first. She lost one of her son's to suicide at 30yrs. 7yrs. ago. I hope this puts some perspective on how a family can differ in attitude and outlook and how the outcome can bring us honour or shame.

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