Spring is such a hard season

by Molly
(New York)

It started last may when I couldn't get a hold of my mom. When I went to her house to check on her I was too late, she had passed. It was so unexpected and such a shock that I didn't believe it had happened, even though I was right there. After the initial set in, I focused my time on my grandma who was sick in the hospital, but five days.after my mom passed, my infant son began to have trouble breathing. He was admitted to the hospital where they placed him on a vent and feeding tube. For the next three weeks I spent my time split between staying with my son and. grandmother in the hospital. I never saw my three year old daughter. Everyday literally seemed like a terrible dream. Three weeks after my mother passed, my grandmother passed. I tried to get back to hospice before she went but I was too late. She was my. most favorite person in this whole world, but I didn't feel a thing when she died. Two weeks later we were told that my six week old son had a genetic muscular condition and that his lungs were too weak, he'd never be able to breathe on his own. He was suffering and was struggling too breathe. He was just fighting so hard but he kept getting infections. My husband and I decided to remove the tubes and end his suffering and pain. In five weeks I list my mother, grandmother and son. Still, with all that grief, I didn't feel terrible until two months after my son's death. Everything seemed to hit me all at once. It's been almost year and I feel as if they all just passed. While everyone else has moved on, I am held back with constant memories of their passing, as if it just happened yesterday. I feel so much sadness. Everything I do seems to remind me of  of them. I feel so many different emotions that I'm having trouble moving on. I want to have some type of normal life again but I just miss them all soo much. Will this ever get better?

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May 30, 2013
Spring is such a hard season
by: Doreen U.K

Molly YES! life does get better in time. YOu have sustained a heavy loss of 3 people and you cannot be expected to Heal from these losses any time soon. It would help you if you could see a grief counsellor who is skilled to assist people struggling with grief. You were probably in shock and denial and so didn't process the deaths of 3 people you lost. This is not uncommon. I went through this also and I only lost one person who was my husband of 44yrs. He died 13 months ago and I feel the loss more now as new memories intrude. Grief is not something we did to ourselves or can control. It happens at times we least expect this to assault our body and mind. Some days I just can't believe my husband has gone and never coming back. Sometimes I feel so very desperate to see him, touch him, talk to him. I have no one to share my troubles. All my family are getting on with their own lives and whilst I understand this I feel lost and empty and forgotten. This is the stage of grief we all go through.
You must feel as a large part of your family has been wiped out all at once. This is not easy to deal with. One loss is bad enough let alone more. I can't help but wonder who will be next in my family to die. Loss leaves us vulnerable to losing other family members. I hope your days ahead will get easier and that you will have someone to walk with you through this grief till you find your way back into life again. Don't give up Hope. Life will get better in time for all of us in grief.

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