Spring is such a hard season
It started last may when I couldn't get a hold of my mom. When I went to her house to check on her I was too late, she had passed. It was so unexpected and such a shock that I didn't believe it had happened, even though I was right there. After the initial set in, I focused my time on my grandma who was sick in the hospital, but five days.after my mom passed, my infant son began to have trouble breathing. He was admitted to the hospital where they placed him on a vent and feeding tube. For the next three weeks I spent my time split between staying with my son and. grandmother in the hospital. I never saw my three year old daughter. Everyday literally seemed like a terrible dream. Three weeks after my mother passed, my grandmother passed. I tried to get back to hospice before she went but I was too late. She was my. most favorite person in this whole world, but I didn't feel a thing when she died. Two weeks later we were told that my six week old son had a genetic muscular condition and that his lungs were too weak, he'd never be able to breathe on his own. He was suffering and was struggling too breathe. He was just fighting so hard but he kept getting infections. My husband and I decided to remove the tubes and end his suffering and pain. In five weeks I list my mother, grandmother and son. Still, with all that grief, I didn't feel terrible until two months after my son's death. Everything seemed to hit me all at once. It's been almost year and I feel as if they all just passed. While everyone else has moved on, I am held back with constant memories of their passing, as if it just happened yesterday. I feel so much sadness. Everything I do seems to remind me of of them. I feel so many different emotions that I'm having trouble moving on. I want to have some type of normal life again but I just miss them all soo much. Will this ever get better?