Stephanie

by Catherine K
(Florida)


I am still crying over the loss of my precious daughter, Stephanie who was suffering for so long with bipolar disorder. I cannot seem to get past the unfairness of it when she was such a good, brave person and tried so hard to get through the difficulties she had with the illness. I think I have been traumatized by first her death and then finding her father dead two weeks later after fighting cancer for two years. I think they were both so affected by the others' illnesses. It is really hard to bear after having lost my dear son, Stephen,in 1997, 26 years old who was so sweet and funny. His sisters adored him. Who would ever dream I could lose two of my precious children out of three and then my ex-husband, their Dad so shortly after. I did not even have him to commiserate with over the loss of Stephanie.
I feel as though this terrible pain is never going to end and I am always trying to find ways to make it easier but I am depressed and crying constantly. I go through her clothes and pictures but all I want is to have her back which I know is not realistic.
Thank you to the response to my first message. I appreciate your help but I know it is going to take a long time for this feeling to go away, if ever.
I know I need a lot of help this time. Can anyone else give me some comfort? I do realize other people are suffering pain too and I feel so sorry for them.
God bless you all.

Comments for Stephanie

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May 06, 2012
Loss of my daughter
by: Gary

Hi there, I lost my daughter last month due to schizothertic bipolar disorder. She struggled for years with this illness and lived in a psychiatric hospital most of her time under a section. she hung herself last month whilst in hospital and was diagnosed as brain dead. She was only 20 when she died. I feel suicidal and cannot get over this. I think about her every minute of the day and cannot sleep at all. All I am doing with myself is looking for help from god. I dont know how I am going to face the rest of my life without her and I have never experienced pain like this. I feel completley numb and empty. I keep going into transes and cannot concentrate on anything else. My daughter completed her GCSE's in hospital and was very cleaver however her illness always held her back. She was on 12 different tablets per day and one depot injection every week however it did not take ther voices away and seemed toyo make her more depressed. I am really sorry about your daughter and your other family but I do know what your going through, you are not on your own. I am sure we will see our loved ones again one day we just have to wait it out untill that day comes, which will be a massive challenge. Please reply.

Feb 14, 2012
Stephanie
by: Catherine K

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I need them so much. I am still trying to get through each day and don't want to go out or even get dressed.
I am praying the anxiety and guilty thought I feel will lessen with time.
Stephanie was such an important part of my life and now there is a big void. I know she was an inspiration to many people and I know well about her courage.
She is in God's hands now and that is my consolation.
I hope you are all feeling a little better as time goes by.

Feb 09, 2012
Heartache
by: Sue

My dear, I do know your pain. I too have lost several children, twin sons only one day old, a daughter 5 years old from congenital heart disease and just a little over 2 years ago, my other daughter (baby of the family) only 41 from a terrible skin cancer - Merkel cell carcinoma. I do have two sons living & they too have endured the pain & loss with me, but it is so entirely different for mothers, I know. Some days stil, I feel such pain & just cry. I never had the time to really grieve as I had to close up her house, get the granddaughters moved into my home, put all he belonging in storage & a month after that landed in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism. It is so difficult to take care of oneself after such a loss. You have had a difficult road to travel, but believe in yourself as you are important to the world. You probably don't think so yet, but you are IMPORTANT! Why one has to go through such is beyond my understanding, but one has to keep on going one. My heartfelt sympathies, prayers & blessings go out to you.

Feb 07, 2012
Blessed
by: Bee-lieve

Im SO sorry for your loss .... Not only once but twice! I lost my son Rick last month from complications of type 1 diabetes. I am in so much pain I can't hardly breathe. I miss him so much.
I have heard that if you look hard enough, you can find someone who is in more pain than yourself .... I found just one.
My prayers are with you & God Bless.

Feb 07, 2012
Manic Depression
by: Bonnie

Dear Catherine, I was shocked to see a post related to bipolar disorder. I am a pretty severe rapid-cycler. My mom died last year very suddenly of after-the-fact complications from a brain tumor that left her very disabled for years. I think we took pretty good care of eachother. I thank God I got to be with her when she died, and being with her made me feel good for something. She was fantastic. Seeing you write so compassionately about your daughter reminds me of mom. So few people can understand the Phenomena of bipolar, and she and I talked at length about facing the worst outcome of the illness I'm afraid. I wanted to say to you that no matter how insurmountably sick I would get, I never stopped feeling all my love for my mom. That doesn't leave you when you're symptomatic. Your post is helping me now on a bad night. I'm so so sorry for your overwhelming losses. Thank you for being strong enough to write these things for your daughter. Your understanding of Stephanie is so beautiful, touching, and rare. I hope this can be somehow helpful. God bless you too.

Feb 07, 2012
Stephanie
by: momma anne

You have been through more that your share of loss, I can't even imagine what you are going through or how you deal daily. I'm a grandma who lost her almost 3 year old grandson Jan 9 of this year, I do know the pain, mental anguish, why's, could of's and I live in a fog daily. I sometimes think it's a nightmare and I will wake up and all will be ok.
From your picture of you and your daughter I see she was a beautiful girl the bipolar you described she had is awful with the good days and then the bad.
I have no words because there are none to take the pain away all I can offer is to listen to you, cry with you and be a friend. I will not judge you.
Hugs and Prayers are coming your way.

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