by Catherine

It is exactly 6 months since you took your own life on November 15th 2011. The pain is still unbearable and I am always looking for photos of you and framing them so that I have some record of your lovely face.
I am still haunted by the events of that day. I had to fly up to NJ from Florida the following day and be with your sister who found you and was brokenhearted. Unbelievably, your Dad passed away from cancer two weeks later. He was doing ok but I think the loss of you was too much for him to bear.
So, we had two wakes and two funerals so close after each other. All your friends and relatives could not believe thay would be at the funeral home again so soon.
I miss you both so much and it will take a long time for it to feel much better. I have a few easier days now but there is a big void in my life. You called me in Florida every day and I still wake up waiting for that phone call and then I remember. You are with Dad and Stephen, your brother who loved you so much and left us in 1997.
I love you too, beautiful girl and will always miss your smile and the way we used to laugh together when you were well. Bipolar disorder is such a cruel illnes. It robbed you of your life but you battled it so hard.
I will see you again someday Steph. Love always, Mom

Comments for Stephanie

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Jun 23, 2012
Your Loss
by: Anonymous

Dear friend Stephanie
you are suffering unbearable pain. My heart goes out to you. I too lost an adult child, my son, at 42 due to a heart attack. I too, have a bipolar daughter. It is the worst thing - depression steals their life, their vitality, their confidence. She tried to commit suicide more than once, nearly, nearly died, being in a coma for a week the last time. This has left scars and she has NO confidence... she is so fragile. All the time, the fear that she will try again, though she promised me she won't. She lives on a cottage on our premises, thank God we have that, but cannot find work, so can you imagine what it is doing to her at age 42 not to find work again? This for a woman who used to be an auditor? In addition my youngest is a drug addict, I hardly ever see her, it just drains me as we have tried to help her in every way, financially emotionally, rehab. But the lies just keep coming, manipulation and then back to drugs. So yes, some parents seem to have been given a heavy, heavy cross. All I can say is hang in there. Focus on the memories of happiness, the joy of when they were small. I protect myself by not getting dragged in too much, but it is not easy.
Memories of precious childhood days with my 3 children are what I cling to. Would have been nice to have one success story out of three children. So take heart, my friend. I pray for your strength and peace and courage.

Jun 17, 2012
this sounds rough
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry. My friend hung himself two months later in January 2012. It is the hardest thing when there is daily contact that just ceases. I had that also. From what I read in your story I think her dad died to go find her. I wanted to do this for my friend. I kept hearing the Trent Dabbs song "Stay by Me" where he sings 'I'll meet you where you are....'

Jun 17, 2012
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear Catherine,
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Stephanie 6 months ago and for the loss of your husband to cancer and the loss of you son Stephen in 1997.
You have had a lot of grief and sorrowful days to bear. I hope that you have good support in family and friends which makes a big difference when facing grief that is so very painfull we don't know how we can go on in life without the ones we have lost.
Stephanie had an illness that is hard and unbearable to live with and it must have been a great struggle for her to overcome. Days that are good and days that don't make sense. It must have been very difficult for you coping with Stephanie's illness and also that of your husband who had cancer. Both these diseases are a curse and cause so much pain in families struggling already in a difficult changing world.
I lost my husband Steve of 44years. marriage to cancer. Mesothelioma. Steve got his cancer working with asbestos and is an incurable and inoperable cancer that carries no remission only a miracle healing which did not happen and I lost Steve 6 weeks ago. The pain of the losses we occurr in life will remain with us forever. We are never the same people. The worst aspect of loss is the emptiness and lonlinesss we feel going on alone in life and not having someone to share the troubles with. People make a mark in the world and our world throughout life and this is what we can hold onto as it can't be taken away it will remain with us forever.

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