Stephanie

by Catherine
(Florida)




I lost my lovely daugter Stephanie on November 15th 2011. eight month ago. I cannot believe all this time has gone by and I have survived so far. I did not think I would and still have many days when I just wake up in the morning and cry because she used to call me every morning and I miss hearing her voice so much and miss seeing her beautiful face.
Stephanie took her own life that day after struggling for many years with bipolar disorder. I don't think people realize what a killer that illness is. So many ups and downs and struggling to get the medication right. I think she just got tired of fighting and gave up. I punish myself every day thinking I should have been able to do more for her but we battled it together for so many years. She was 42 when she died and I feel so bad that she never married and had children so that I could have a part of her.
To make matters worse, her Dad my ex-husband with whom I was very close died two weeks later from cancer which he battled bravely for two years. It is a nightmare to look back on what my only daughter left, Chrissy and I went through burying our two loved ones. I think their Dad gave up the battle too when Stephanie died.
Our only son Stephen passed away in 1997 at the age of 26 and I thought I would never get over that but eventualy I started to live again but now I am back to not living completely any more. Sometimes I just call out when I am alone that I just want her back again.
People tell me I am strong but if they only knew how I feel inside!
I just try to remember that Stephanie is now away from her struggles and heartache and safe in Heaven with her Dad and brother. After all, that is the only comfort there seems to be. I also try to remember the good times we had when she was doing well and we oould all laugh together and make silly jokes.
Sleep well my loved ones and I will see you again some day, I know it.
Steph, I will love you forever,Mom

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Jul 21, 2012
Tanya's story
by: Nancy

My daughter Tanya is 30 she suffers from bi-polar and there is not a day that goes by when I do not wonder if this is the day that I am going to get the call that she has finally taken her life. She has threaten so many times. She has exhausted so many services, so many people have given up on her and walked out of her life. She has a husband who has his own issues with mental illness and they have finally had their two year old child taken away from them. It is not an easy life for any parent to live. I come for a family were suicide almost seems like an addiction. Of the eleven children that my mother bore, there is four of us left. I have nieces and nephews that have taken that route and this year alone I have five relatives that have past and it is only July. I feel that I have not been able to grieve properly before another death has occurred. It pains me to hear that you lost your daughter and that she for whatever reason she did not get the proper medication or care that she needed. It just does not make sense in my head or my heart that children die before their parents. I don't get it. I wish I could take your pain away. I would remind you that she in her happier moments has implanted love prints all over you and you can implant those prints on those in your life today, your friends, your neighbors, your community. She has physically gone, but she lives on in the memories in what you choose to share with others. You can remember her through random acts of kindness on her birthday by offering to pay for parking meter, or a buying a book and putting it in your local library, or buying a bag of groceries for your local food bank, or whatever you feel. She is God's daughter and He entrusted her to you for 42 years and then He called her home...One day you will be united until then continue to shine your light....and hers in whatever way you can....Nancy

Jul 20, 2012
Stephanie
by: Doreen U.K.

Catherine I am sorry for your loss of your daughter Stephanie, and also your ex-husband who died of cancer. I am also sorry for your loss of your son in 1997. You have been through so much
in your life with losing loved ones. Bi-polar is a difficult illness. It carries its own stressors and even if you wish you had been able to help more often their is nothing more one can do as the illness is so up and down. It would actually be a strain to take on such a battle. All one could do is be available and supportive and I am sure you were already doing this. One would need to have a psychology or counselling degree to interact on a daily basis and support in this way. this illness is very difficult to recover or move on from. The highs and lows could push a person over the edge. The world of a person with bi-polar is very confusing and their own private hell. I hope you have people around you to support you. This is a very lonely place to be right now with your grief. I hope that you have better days ahead and able to cope with the grief of it all. It you are stuck then seek out some counselling to support you.

Jul 20, 2012
I understand
by: Anonymous

Your story tore at my heart. I grieve for you losing your lovely daughter. I lost my 30 year old daughter in February to a sudden illness . I too cry out sometimes that I want her back, for time to go backwards. We were very close like you and Stephanie. I honestly can't imagine the rest of my life without her.

I can't imagine how heartbreaking it must be to have also lost your son and Christy's father. You are stronger than you think but I do understand that there is a "real" you underneath what others see. I hope and pray that you and your other daughter can hold on to each other in this storm and live again with the love that your spirit family still have for your both.

I am sending you prayers and love. Try.

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