I lost my lovely daugter Stephanie on November 15th 2011. eight month ago. I cannot believe all this time has gone by and I have survived so far. I did not think I would and still have many days when I just wake up in the morning and cry because she used to call me every morning and I miss hearing her voice so much and miss seeing her beautiful face.
Stephanie took her own life that day after struggling for many years with bipolar disorder. I don't think people realize what a killer that illness is. So many ups and downs and struggling to get the medication right. I think she just got tired of fighting and gave up. I punish myself every day thinking I should have been able to do more for her but we battled it together for so many years. She was 42 when she died and I feel so bad that she never married and had children so that I could have a part of her.
To make matters worse, her Dad my ex-husband with whom I was very close died two weeks later from cancer which he battled bravely for two years. It is a nightmare to look back on what my only daughter left, Chrissy and I went through burying our two loved ones. I think their Dad gave up the battle too when Stephanie died.
Our only son Stephen passed away in 1997 at the age of 26 and I thought I would never get over that but eventualy I started to live again but now I am back to not living completely any more. Sometimes I just call out when I am alone that I just want her back again.
People tell me I am strong but if they only knew how I feel inside!
I just try to remember that Stephanie is now away from her struggles and heartache and safe in Heaven with her Dad and brother. After all, that is the only comfort there seems to be. I also try to remember the good times we had when she was doing well and we oould all laugh together and make silly jokes.
Sleep well my loved ones and I will see you again some day, I know it.
Steph, I will love you forever,Mom