still can't come to terms with my mothers death

by shaunna
(England)

My mum was a healthy 38year old wom an who didn't have any illness or health problems. She sadly passed away in her sleep September 11th 2010. She had a fall two weeks before which left her with two black eyes. She kept passing out and didn't want to go to a and e. Finally after a few days her boyfriend persuaded her to go an took her to get checked out they did scans and nothing came up she was sent on her way and a few days later she died. I saw her in the mornin before I left for work and she seemed fine. Then I got the call just after midday telling me my brother was on his way with his then girlfriend. I knew instantly when I saw him at the doorway of my work that some thing wasn't right. I had a feeling some one had died and thought it was his baby girl that he had recently which I know sounds mad but I didn't want him to actually say it so I told him I already knew and he seemed very confused that I already knew. I asked him how it happened to which he replied in her sleep and I asked where an he said at home. My next question confused him even more because I asked if mum knew about it an he said I don't know what you mean. So I asked him again an he its not the baby i t's mum. My knees went and I couldn't think straight I was just confused as I saw her in the morning. That day was pretty much a blur and couldn't get my head around what had happened. I obviously wanted to see her before being taken away which I was glad I did. It was a very big shock to see my mother lying there motionless and cold. I expected her to jump up an say it was all a joke. But that never happened. It was about two weeks til she was laid to rest. I found great comfort in being able to see her as much as I could before she left me that final day. I did her hair and make up the way she always would of had it. The funeral was a really nice service with two white doves being let off. I felt I had to say something at the funeral to say what a wonderful mother friend and how much she ment to a lot of people. Family and friends even strangers played a big part in my mums life. She was truly a fantastic person and gave a lot to people. We had a fantastic relationship and im very grateful I had her as my mum and my friend I could count on and ask for advice. She never judged me always giving me advice. I think about her everyday and think she is still around. I don't see her as not being here but just away on a long holiday which is. Strange because I know she isn't coming back. I miss her very much and feel like I need her more than ever now as im having my first child and im very upset she isn't here to share this experience with me and share her stories of pregnancy with me.

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