Still Cant face it

by Stephanie
(Colton,ca)


In Jan.2011 my mom started getting sick to her stomach.Doc thought it was an ulcer so gave her meds.By the end of Oct my mom was in the hospital from throwing up everyday,couldnt breath,and was weak.First they thought it was her heart test came back clear.Then they did a CT scan on her belly.Come to find out that she had 23 tumors on her liver.It started in her bile duct and then spread to her liver.We found that out On Nov.7,2011 that she had stage 4 cancer and there was no cure for her.They told her that she could try to do chemo to try to prolong her life.She tried once.During those two months my mom suffered very very bad. I saw my mom go from a fun loving outgoing mom to where on Dec28,2011 my mom said her last words.The pain pump they had her on made her like in a coma state.My mom was on hospice for her last week where I moved in at her house and took care of her.I never knew that I would be praying to God to please take my mom so she wouldnt suffer anymore.She didnt deserve to suffer they way she did.I did get to tell her that I loved her so much before she passed and I was there when she took her last breath.My mom was 65 and died on Jan 7,2012.In my head right now is pretty much of when she was sick and not before and of her furneral.Bile duct cancer is one of the worst cancers you can have and takes lives so quickly.I love you mama so much..

Steph

Comments for Still Cant face it

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 13, 2012
Feel the same.
by: Roops

My mom started feeling nauseous just three to four days before v got to knw that she has liver cancer. On 16 April 2011 we got her blood tests done coz v thought she has jaundice. The doc said liver v v bad. She don't knw. She went to the Market to get a new fruit blender coz in jaundice ur supposed to hav lots of fruit. V cant tell her. On 19 v admitted her n on the 6 th may she went. N so did a huge part of my heart. She came home for four days only. To hear that it's last stage cancer was something I cant believe I was hearing. But my mom dint know. Although she dint suffer but she was in hosp for two weeks n she was pricked all over. I hate to rem her that way but like u , even I can't get those memories out of my head. I see no purpose in living.took to alcohol also v badly. Just wanted to die. My health suffered but then I pulled out of it because of my dad n my husband.How to b strong n how to carry on. ??

Mar 09, 2012
Hi Steph
by: Lucy

Hi Steph

My mum actually has the same cancer and is of the same age, 65. She is having chemo at the moment but I trying to mentally prepare for the worst. It's hard, you want to take each day it comes but also want to make each day it's best as you don't know when it will be her last. I love her so very much and I really feel for you after reading your story. God bless you.

Lucy

Mar 07, 2012
how to get good memories back
by: Stephanie

Hi I am the one that posted Still cant face it. It is about my mom.I will be at work and listen to my moms music cd that played at her funeral over and over.I look at pics of my mom when she was well and I cant get to those memories of her.I see her being sick in and out of the hospital. I regret not spending more time with her when she was slowing dying of cancer. I did spend some nights with her but I should of spent so much more.I know when she got sent home on hospice i moved in for that week and took care of her but she was in a coma state and by then I was praying for god to take her.I cant get past her saying sometimes are you coming to see me and there was times I didnt go.I am married and have 3 teenage kids and a grandbaby in the house and also work full time.So I had to try to balance my family and my mom.But right now I am beating myself up for not spending every min with her.My vision of her is crying and being scared and her looking at me in my eyes and saying she doesnt want to dye.I see her in my head so sick,hurting,and breathing her last breaths.I know it takes time.But these regrets are eating me up inside.Missing my mom sooooo bad.

Steph


Mar 02, 2012
My Sister had the same cancer
by: Gloria

Hi Stephanie, My sister just passed away in Oct. 20ll from the same type of liver cancer, the same symptoms that you described, she suffered from. My Sister was diagnosed in Sept. and died 27 days later. She didn't have a chance to start Chemo. She left two daughters, she was a single mother. I spent her last week with her in the hospital, and I know exactly how you felt, praying to God to take her, she was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything to help her. I felt so helpless. I am still having a hard time getting past the hospital stay and watching her take her last breathe. I want to only remember the good memories, but it is going to take time. I find some comfort knowing now that she is with God and is no longer in pain. But her daughters miss her soooo much. Your mother was very lucky to have you with her in her last days! GOD BLESS YOU

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!