Still Crying for 10 months everyday
by S. Hatch
(Las Vegas NV)
I've been reading so many stories with this program. My question in my mind is always the same. How can I cry everyday most times all day after 10+ months. I don't see what is going to be different next year or whenever. What is going to change? The bed is still with one, coming in from the store in sunglasses because I always cry. The frig is full of nothing. His hands and arms are no where to be found. I haven't felt warmth in my body since he died. My prayers are still unanswered, the phone calls at lunch are not there, the flowers for no reason are not there, but most of all it went from we to me and I am not excepting this. This stupid house makes me want to blow it up. The pool hates me and keeps turning different colors. The stupid thing was refurbish in mid 2011 and it was beautiful all ready for spring. Not one person got in the stupid pool. I just spent the entire summer maintaing the dumb thing. We planned the pool together. With him dying on New Years Day 2012. We never had a chance to enjoy it or the new trailer we never used. I am so empty and there isn't one thing on this earth that can fix that or fix me. I know I am going to hate the up coming holidays. Walking in Wal Mart, geez I about lost my lunch seeing all the things the won't be in my house this year. I need some direction somewhere. Maybe the senior citizen groups. Who knows.
Why can't god prepare us a little to handle the worst part of your life? Throw down just one idea or thought.