Still crying, nine months on
I feel guilty for still being upset over my break up when there is so much suffering in the world, but it hangs over me like a black cloud and I can`t shake it off. I was single for 3 years following the end of my marriage (his infidelity and secret child). Out of the blue, someone I`d liked from afar got in touch, having come out of a marriage too. We instantly hit it off and soon fell in love. He was amazing with my little boy and we laughed all the time. Everyone was blown away by how happy and good we looked together and he did so much for us - helpful, generous, romantic, funny - the perfect man! He often mentioned marriage/ moving in once his divorce finalised and told me repeatedly how happy I made him. Well, after about a year he started to go out more and seemed to need more time to himself, but there were always viable excuses, although I did become a bit clingy and questioning, which upset him.Then one night he txt me to say that it wasn`t going to work for us, then the next day, rang in tears to say he`d never let me go! We then had a blissful few weeks and he drunkenly asked me to marry him one night. A few days later he bailed out and said he was happy but unfulfilled. I went to pieces but he wanted to stay friends. A few weeks later I found out he was with someone else. My son and I were so upset and I couldn`t hide my emotions. I have spent the months since wrestling with being friends with him and trying to be happy for him (he has since moved on to someone else), but all the while hoping he`d come back. He txts sporadically and from time to time I have been flirty and he has responded. In the past few weeks this got quite heavy and he said we should hook up. He then went quiet again and when I asked why he didn`t answer directly but keeps saying he`ll come and see me for a catch up, as if nothing has happened. I now feel so worthless and have had no dates in 9 months. All I want is for my son and I to be happy. I miss him every day, even though I know it`s hopeless, and just know that I`ll never find anyone with his qualities again.