Still crying

I lost my mother three years ago this February 2013. She was my best friend and I can not get over her death. She had health problems and a heart condition but still she went to work everyday and was the VP of her company and married for 36 years but one day she had a sudden pulmonary embolism and died at work and we worked together as we'll and I saw it happen. My feelings seem to get the best of me daily and I do wish that I could have done something and should have but what do you do in that moment when you seem to be not beliving what is happening right I front of you..........
My dad is hard to see, he is lost, and my brother that is older than I am seems to just stay in his own world to survive the pain of her gone she was the women that had done it all and kept us together. One huge thing that was hard for me is that I was six months pregnant and she never got to met her grandson so I try everyday to understand and have faith that she is happier where she is and wouldn't come back if she could......... I just miss her!
I have a wonderful family and my husband has been there for me and through all the tears, and my two boys keep me busy. I do wish that I could find the happy things instead of the pain that's still so fresh in my heart..............

Comments for Still crying

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Mar 24, 2013
Can't accept my mother's death
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous. It is hard to face the death of a loved one. If you bottle up your feelings and not deal with them now you may feel worse. Often things are bubbling under the surface pressing for resolution and it is difficult to move forward. Just keep an eye on this and if you start to feel depressed then go and see a grief counsellor. You will be surprised at how you will feel in time. You will feel so good dealing with these issues now. It would mean that you would be able to move through life better and your life would improve. Otherwise you would have had wasted years bottling up your feelings because they were too painful to face. I know how you feel. But I also know how you can feel when you deal with your grief now.

Mar 24, 2013
cant accept mother's death
by: Anonymous

It will be 2 years this April. I still can't face the idea that my beautiful wonderful mother is gone. I can't bear to think about it. When I talk about it with someone it's a little easier because then I am not really thinking about the reality of it.

The grief of losing my mom is also physically unbearable. I feel a kind of searing electric yet dull pain through my head and chest area when I think about it. It isn't a sharp pain but rather a background terrible feeling. That's why I try to push the thoughts away. It's two years and the only thing that helps is trying to be busy with friends or work. I will never face this or accept this.

Jan 15, 2013
I know all too well
by: Anonymous

Dear DO CARE! Don't be hard on yourself thinking there was something more you could have done. If there was you would have done it. What you are feeling is part of grieving. I am so glad you are going to see a grief counsellor. This is a very wise thing to do. You will be amazed at how quickly you start to heal and feel better from your loss of your mom. Because it has been some time for you ~ you are probably stuck in grief and just unable to move forward. There is no shame in this. WE all need someone to lean on at times and this is one time we all need support from the devastating pain of Grief. Grief really wears us down physically, emotionally, and mentally. There is no hard and fast way to grieving and no time limit. If you are still crying you are still grieving as most of grief is crying. You will one day look back and see this an another episode of life that brings Trials our way. You will become stronger from your grief. Just don't beat yourself up for not being the Son or Father you think you should be. When my husband was dying of cancer he suddenly was aware he was working away from home too much and he did not have time to be a father and now too late his Adult children did not spend time with him. I felt this wound. I told my husband not to beat himself up about what he thought he didn't do but to concentrate on what he did do. And if he only had one day to live He could be the best Father he could be. We have to encourage ourselves and not beat ourselves up. We live in a fractured world and we are not perfect people. We are human and will make mistakes often. We have to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and shortcomings. Best wishes in Counselling. You will feel the hurt get less, and you will recover and go on to be happy again.

Jan 15, 2013
I know all too well.
by: Do care

This March 25th will make 2 years since we lost our Mom. She was AMAZING. She had a few health issues, but a heart attack is what took her immediately from us. I saw her before the ambulance arrived and that haunts me to this day. I feel like I could have done something more.
Three months after, my wife tells me we are pregnant. No offense to my very precious Father, but I really was excited about seeing my mom become a Grandmother. We waited for years to have a baby. Almost decided not to. And then this. Now, I can hardly be a father to my own child; a son to my father; and a husband to THE most amazing wife. I am stuck. And the pain is sometimes... unbelievable. I cry as I type this. Next week, I'm going to get help. I've tried it on my own and nothing. Time, it definitely takes time. But for me, the really surprising factor is how fresh it still feels after 2 years. I do HOPE you find peace or it finds you. God bless.

Jan 12, 2013
Still Crying
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your mom. If your father and brother are not coping well they may benefit from talking to a counsellor. It is more difficult for men to reach out for outside support and this may be hard to accept. It is not good to keep one's grief all locked up inside.
I am still crying after 8 months having lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer. We just soldier on each day with the most horrendous pain inside. Life is so empty and useless, but we have to live it whether we want to or not. Grief just happens but it wears me down. The body feels all beaten up with sorrow. I lost my mother 9 years ago and I have only now been able to look at her photo and put it up. My husband's picture has to stay in the drawer till I can handle this immense loss. It HURTS too much to think. But when reading the posts on this site triggers my crying and grief, so this may be the right thing to do. I wish you comfort in your sorrow and grief. May your days get better and make you stronger for the journey of Healing from your grief.

Jan 11, 2013
Lost my mom while 6 months pregnant too
by: Jill

I am sorry for your loss and completely understand your pain, as I lost my dear mother while I was 6 months pregnant as well. It will be three years this April and I still miss her every day. I was at her grave just a few weeks ago crying and asking her advice on many problems I have in my life right now....I don't know if I will ever feel the same again. I wish I had something inspirational or helpful to say, but I really don't, other than you are not alone! I like to think she is in heaven now and looking out for me in ways that she couldn't here on Earth. She also struggled with depression and tolerated a lot from my dad during their 44 yr marriage....so I think she is also finally free from him and his demanding ways (I always thought my dad would go first, never did I imagine that my mom would!) I have 2 girls to help me through, especially my 12 year old who was very close to her and has handled her death surprisingly well (she thanked God for taking her to heaven the night my mom passed in our nightly prayers)...hearing that was hard to take, but I was glad for her strong faith and way of dealing with it. Just try to be there for your kids the way she was there for you. I know several people who have lost children, and I think that would be something I could never recover from, as it is not supposed to happen that way, so try to think, even though it happened sooner than it should have, we are supposed to eventually bury our parents, not vice versa. So think how =difficult life must be for those who have lost kids and be thankful that you have yours and enjoy every moment with them! I TOTALLY understand your pain, as I have it too, but just try to still make her proud!

Jan 11, 2013
Lost my mom while 6 months pregnant too
by: Jill

I am sorry for your loss and completely understand your pain, as I lost my dear mother while I was 6 months pregnant as well. It will be three years this April and I still miss her every day. I was at her grave just a few weeks ago crying and asking her advice on many problems I have in my life right now....I don't know if I will ever feel the same again. I wish I had something inspirational or helpful to say, but I really don't, other than you are not alone! I like to think she is in heaven now and looking out for me in ways that she couldn't here on Earth. She also struggled with depression and tolerated a lot from my dad during their 44 yr marriage....so I think she is also finally free from him and his demanding ways (I always thought my dad would go first, never did I imagine that my mom would!) I have 2 girls to help me through, especially my 12 year old who was very close to her and has handled her death surprisingly well (she thanked God for taking her to heaven the night my mom passed in our nightly prayers)...hearing that was hard to take, but I was glad for her strong faith and way of dealing with it. Just try to be there for your kids the way she was there for you. I know several people who have lost children, and I think that would be something I could never recover from, as it is not supposed to happen that way, so try to think, even though it happened sooner than it should have, we are supposed to eventually bury our parents, not vice versa. So think how =difficult life must be for those who have lost kids and be thankful that you have yours and enjoy every moment with them! I TOTALLY understand your pain, as I have it too, but just try to still make her proud!

Jan 09, 2013
My heart goes out to you!
by: Valerie P

I am so sorry for your loss! I loss my Dearly beloved Mother, Two Uncles and one cousin within 5 months of each other. All of their deaths was suddenly. They all had heart dieases. I had just spoke with my mother, we had laughed and talk for 1 hour and a half. Little did I know, it was my last mother to daughter jolly talk.I miss my mother so much! Words can't discribe the pain I am going through. Then I loss my Uncles and cousin. All in 2012, May, June, July and October.
The grief,sorrow and pain, The Heavely Father have been comforted me each day and night. Some times I feel I can't go on. Pray for me and I will keep you and your love one's in prayer! God Bless you my dear!
Love Valerie P

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