still distraught after nearly 3 months without mybrave mum

by lisa
(england)

I dont know what to do. My brave mum passed away on july 11th 2012 after a year long battle with cancer. Its been nearly 3 months but my heart is breaking more and more as the weeks pass by. I wouldnt wish her back to see her suffering, but i just want her back how she used to be, so elegant, active, happy etc, and just enjoying life. I was so close to her and i get into such a despair state when it hits me that i will never see her again. I keep seeing her face when she was in the hospital not being able to walk or do anything for herself, and she would look at me and say "i cant go on like this", and i would say to her "come on mum you are a tough cookie", knowing in my heart she was never going to get better. She called me to come to the hospital the evening before she died and i stayed with her through the night just watching her in so much pain, wishing i could take the pain for her. The doctor told me she had just hours to live, and she died in the afternoon. I am so glad she didnt die alone, she had me my husband and my brother with her throughout. While she was slipping away we heard her say "i'm on my way gord. My dad's name was gordon and he passed away 25 years ago, and she always called him gord, and then just before she died we all heard her say "HELLO GORD". It was as if he was there to meet her and take her with him to a better place. Even though i try to take comfort in that, it still doesn't ease the pain i feel not being able to see her, to confide in her, to laugh with her, to go shopping with her. It hurts so so much, i just long to be with her. I miss her so desperately

Comments for still distraught after nearly 3 months without mybrave mum

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Nov 06, 2012
i feel your pain
by: candice

I lost my mum on the 26th of July 2012, she suffered from breast cancer for about 14 months she died at the age of 57, not a day that goes by i dont miss her, my partner works away and i get so lonely, miss our shopping and laughing and just general time together, she was able to see me get engaged a week before her passing. Hurts me to think she will not see any of my children or see me get married, she was a very helpful loving mother and a best friend. Miss her so much.

Oct 29, 2012
Still distraught 3 months on after loosing my dear mum.
by: Anonymous

I feel the same as all of you, my mum passed away 24th july 2012,age 87, I miss her everyday, Its very difficult to move on as she lived with us, but she had her own apartment which is attached to the house, she moved to Spain with us 9years ago & loved every minute. I go into her apartment everyday to keep it aired, all her things are still there & in exactly the same place, I cant bear to get rid of anything yet, It breaks my heart to even think about it. The pain of loosing her is getting stronger, I cant get myself motivated, i'm always tired,just feel depressed. Everything is the same but she is not here, its very hard to live with.

Oct 15, 2012
Sorry
by: Cheryl

I know how you feel. I lost my mom on August 9,2012. I miss her every minute of every day. We were also very close and did everything together. She was my rock. I cry constantly. My
family is not supportive. I am the oldest and therefore I think the closest to my mom. There was only 17 years difference in our age. I have tried everything. I am in counseling, griefshare, and I take medication. Nothing helps. There are times when I no longer want to endure this pain,but my faith keeps me going. I pray that knowing there are others who share in your grief might bring some comfort. I know that reading these blogs helps me. I also know that grief takes time. So take comfort in God's promise that someday we will be with those we loved so much.

Sep 28, 2012
still distaught after nearly 3 months without my brave mum
by: lisa

thankyou julia, doreen and annonymus for taking the time to reply to my posting. I am so sorry for your losses, but it really does help to know that i am not alone. I am so glad i discovered this website, to be able to connect with you and to put into words how i am feeling, and reading other postings very similar to mine. thanks again love to you all xx

Sep 27, 2012
I lost my Mom on 8-8-2012
by: Julia

Your mother died on my mother's last birthday of July 11,2012.
My mother was sick for 18 months and passed on August 8,2012 at the age of 89.
I miss her terribly and find that it seems to worsen with the weeks rather than get better.
I am assuming that this is a normal cycle of grief.
I am so sorry for your loss and I can identify with your pain. I am in it and I feel so alone.
I am trying to function~go to work, handle her things. But, it is very overwhelming.
Please know that I understand your loss and that I am also going through this process.
I have lost others in my life~my father, best friend, many relatives. None compares to the loss of my mother. Hugs to you, Julia

Sep 27, 2012
still distraught after nearly 3 months without my brave mum
by: Doreen U.K.

Lisa I am sorry for your loss of your mother to cancer. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 5 months ago to cancer. I nursed him for over 3yrs. I had to watch him die slowly. He lost all quality of life and wanted to die before he did. Like you say the pain get's worse and it is hard to go on not seeing our loved one anymore. Not being able to talk with them and depend on them for support when things go wrong. or even when things go right. My heart is breaking every day. I have more tears now than ever. LIFE HURTS SO MUCH. Even if our loved one's pain has ended, ours is just starting, and ours goes on forever. There is no medication for this pain. If we cut ourselves we bleed and we can cover our wound till the bleeding stops. But our heart is bleeding and we can do nothing, but cry and cry, and cry. I feel as if I am still in this nightmare. At times everything seems surreal. I miss my Steve so desperately. Times I need to run things past him like the builder putting the roof on wrongly and water is coming in. I will have to pay thousands of pounds to have this put right, and he is not here to handle this. I have to do everything now. I am worn out with grief. It is not ever near being over. I hope that you have good support and will find this helpfull as you go through this dark tunnell.

Sep 26, 2012
Its been a year for me
by: Anonymous

Three months is not long at all. It has been a year for me and I still feel incredibly sad. You are not alone in your pain. I think it is expected. Here I thought I would be fine by now but I long for my mom. I dream of speaking to her again. My heart goes out to you.

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