Still feel numb

by Christina Landry
(Bridge City, Texas)

I lost my mom on December 10th, 2009. My mother was put in the hospital after she woke up in the middle of the night with 103 fever, she has had lung problems for a long time. They could not put a name on what she had wrong with her. She ran fever and eventually was put was put on life support for over three months. I watched my mom sufferin pain-- machine breathing for her.

The hospital performed a bronchial scope on her when she was admitted to the hospital, something went very wrong, she never recovered from the test. We still don't know if they did damage during the test. She had a coughing spell for an hour after the test, dad called for help and eventually had to go find somebody because they were making shift-change-- my mom went code blue because they were making shift-change, I am still very angry about this, that is how she was put on life support.

I watched the desperation in my moms eyes day after day. She did not want to be hooked up to that machine. She wasted away day by day, we finally took her home with hospice; she was home for sixteen hours when she passed. It was the most terrible thing I have ever been through, I am grateful that I was there when she took her last breath, but it has been a very traumatic losd that me and my family are still grieving over.

My mom was a very loving mother and grandmother, very meek and shy, never ever hurt a soul. She will be very missed and I am not sure how I will be able to make it through mother's day without her, it will be exactly 5 months she has been gone, and it still plays through my mind every day.

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May 31, 2010
I understand
by: Anonymous

Hi, I truly understand what you are going through. I just lost my mother on April 15 2010. My mother sounds a lot like yours, very humble and meek. Last July she went into the hospital not feeling well, 2 days later she is on life support. We found out she had COPD, she had never been diagnosed with this before. Anyway because COPD patients are so hard to wean from the ventilator she was on it for months, much like your mother.

She developed every type of infection that you could possibly think of. She was in and out of the hospital for nine months. But no Doctor could ever say that she would not live long. We knew she was very sick but we always hoped and prayed that if she could just get a little stronger she would be ok. But it wasn't meant to be as she coded and went into cardiac arrest and lost all brain function.

It was the hardest thing in the world to turn off all the machines and let her die. I have two very small children and she adored them. I have so many wonderful memories of her with them, but in a way I believe it makes it harder remembering all the wonderful times that we have had together.

I am having a terrible time losing her this way. I just feel so cheated. She was only 65, which is young these days. I feel like every day gets a little harder, I had hoped it would get easier instead.

Oh well I am sooo sorry to go on and on. I just found your story and I related so much of it to my own I just had to comment. Hang in there and maybe just maybe it will indeed get better. Thanks for listening and God bless.

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