Still Have to Remind Myself..... Everyday

by Sawyer
(New York )

My older brother died in a car accident a little over a year ago on December 31, 2012. He was a rear seat passenger and his two friends that were in the front seat walked away without any injuries. He was 21 years old. Ever single day I miss him so much. My life has changed dramatically without him. He was my only sibling. People say that is gets easier after the first year because you have experienced all of the first. I don't believe it yet. Everyday is still a struggle. It is hard waking up one morning with your world completely changed. I went from having an older brother that would always protect me, take the heat from our parents, and always be there to offer advice to having to figure out how to navigate life without him. It's extremely difficult to try to deal with your grief, but continue to live your life. My brother was a star baseball player, the captain of his college team. He was someone that people noticed and wanted to be friends with. I always had the "Oh, you are Max's sister!" conversations. I loved my big brother so much. I always admired him. He was a someone that was friends with everyone because he was just such a great kid. I have to tell myself everyday that it is true. That he did die. He was a true gem that lived everyday the best possibly way he could. I miss him so much.

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Feb 28, 2014
Still Have to Remind Myself.... Everyday
by: Doreen UK

Sawyer I am sorry for your loss of your big brother. More so because he was your only sibling. You are so young to have to endure so much pain at an early age. I know what you mean about wondering if this death really happened. I am 21 months into my grief at the loss of my husband of 44yrs. and I still feel as if I am dreaming. I think our body and mind goes into shock for many months into more than the first few years. It is quite hard to process the loss of a loved one who had grown up with you or lived with you for many years and suddenly that person isn't there anymore. My husband was our protector and now I have to become the one to protect my daughter. My husband was such a clever man. Good at anything he put his hands to. He was always inventing a way to get out of a situation if something didn't work. He made life easier for us. I miss his presence in my life. Life will never be the same again without our close loved one's we have lost. Sawyer it is going to take many years before any of us can recover from our grief. It is the worst pain/experience one has to go through in life. Just take one day at a time. This is all any of us can do. Life will feel as if it has no meaning for us for a long long time. May God comfort you and give you His Peace.

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