Still hurting!! My pain for Jamie Michael Boudreau

by Jessica Peters
(West frankfort Il)

Jamie Michael Boudreau

Jamie Michael Boudreau

Jamie Michael Boudreau
Jess n Jamie

The 8 th will be 8 months since Jamie has passed. Everyday I cry inside but hold it in so no one sees! I still ask why? I still wonder if I would of only done something different would he still be here? My heart aches for him so badly! I miss him so much. They say as days go by it gets easier. The only thing that has got easier is the tears I shed. They fall like rain drops. How can one cry so much? How can someone I love, cared so much for, made me happy no matter what was going on just be gone. Just ripped away from me without a say so what so ever! This man I love so much I can never kiss him again,hug him, hold him, be with, argue , be happy, see Again! It still isn't sunk in all the way. It will never completely! Cause I can't except that he's gone! My everything is no more! The love I have for him still is strong as it ever was. I not stronger! I want to wake up from this nightmare and he be here with me. I want it all back. The good the bad I don't care I just want him. My love,my soul mate, my best friend I would trade anything for him one last time! To hear his voice,feel his touch his breath on my shoulders. God only gives us what we can handle. But the pain I don't think I can handle. I feel lost , alone and robbed! It's not fair! If only I did could of changed it. Only If we wouldn't of bought that car. But that's it only if! We were like fire and gasoline. I just made his fire hotter! If he only knew how bad I hurt for him and how hard it is for me to keep fighting. I know he knew how much I loved him but if I could I only told him one last time alive I would feel some relief. I still tell him everyday and everynight. I look at are pictures and remember all the wonderful time s we shared but I can't accept what my life has came too! It's changed and I had no say so in it. I didn't want this change! I want more than anything to go back to that day and do things so different. But that can't happen. I have to fight each and everyday to get me one day closer to him. I love and miss my Jamie Michael!!

Comments for Still hurting!! My pain for Jamie Michael Boudreau

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Feb 03, 2013
My Jamie
by: Anonymous

Dorean n Sandy, thank you both so much! You both are so right. The feeling of the heartache we feel of loosing the one we live so much is the worst. I can't imagin being with Jamie 44 years n then loosing him. Loosing him after two years of being together is enough. But knowing him 17 n half. I will never be the same. I still can't belivie he's gone. But god has a purpose for all of us. But I still n never wont understand why he took him from me after finally letting me find love . But that I am blessed to have. A new year has begun n even though he's not here physically he is always spiritually. He for sure lets me know. I smell him. He turns things off n on. Moves things etc. n it a stuff of his or things that he knows I know that it's him. I miss him so much.. May god bless both of you and stay strong we will be with are loves again

Dec 31, 2012
Still Hurting so badly!
by: Doreen U.K.

Sandy I am very sorry for your loss of your husband to a sudden death. The deep grief we all feel is common and the pain is the same but some of the circumstances are different. You will feel tortured due to the time it took for someone from the hospital to get to you before your husband died. You will feel cheated and very Angry because you didn't get to say Good-bye. WE the Widows are the ones left to grieve this loss. You are tortured by the final aspects of the death of your Beloved Husband's death because you weren't by his side and you feel He died ALONE. I believe at this time that the ANGELS are present and carry our beloved home to be with God. God would not let your husband be ALONE. Just like when we go to sleep. We don't know if we will wake up. But whilst we are asleep. We are ALONE. Even if someone were by our side and talking we wouldn't hear them we would be as it were unconscious. See your husband being in this state. If you were by his side He wouldn't know you were there. But this is part of your grief and you have to feel it and let it go, as difficult as this is.
None of us has perfect marriages. We weather many storms and live with many REGRETS. We can also celebrate the person we were married to. Celebrate and Thank God for Him but we can also feel separate with our own issues because we all have different upbringing's and bring to the marriage different values and setbacks but we can still feel the sorrow of our Loss of being married to a great man. I echo your feelings. WE just walk through each day with HOPE that we also will get to the end of our journey and when we are laid to rest we will one day be reunited with our beloved husband. The future life will have no more sorrow, no more death. God will come back to destroy this. WE will live in perfect harmony as we were meant to live before Adam and Eve sinned and brought this curse on mankind that we have to also experience. We are just passing through this life. The real life it to come. Hold onto this HOPE.

Dec 30, 2012
Still hurting!! My pain for Jamie Michael Boudreau
by: Doreen U.K.

Jessica I am so sorry for your loss of Jamie. I lost my husband of 44yrs, 8 months ago and this grief is still a burden to me. It hurts so much to have to go through life ALONE. Without the love of our lives. We hear of other people dying and whilst we are touched by their sorrow we cannot feel the depth of this grief until we have walked in this path of loss.
WE had no say in our Birth, No say in the Death of our loved ones. and We won't have any say in our own death. All we can do is Hold onto God. He is the Creator of Life. He takes our life back. and He is our HEALER. He is also our RESCUER. Otherwise we won't get through this long grief journey. It is a very painful road to travel. I haven't learned anything from being LONELY except MISERY.
This BAD YEAR OF OUR LOSS. is NEARLY OVER. I hope I get a break before Death strikes again. It is so painful losing people from our lives till we end up with NO ONE LEFT. It is a scary thought of our HISTORY ending. No one to carry on our memories. I hope life does get better for you/us all and that we will all have A HAPPIER NEW YEAR!

Dec 29, 2012
I know how you feel!
by: Sandy

Its only been a little over 2 months for me since my Ronnie went to work and died of a massive heart attack while at work...I never got a chance to say the time I got to the hospital he was already gone...I couldn't/can't understand it....I needed more information than what I was given and I have driven myself crazy piece together the puzzle that were Ronnie's last hours on this earth...his last hours as my husband, his last hours of our life together...I struggle to make sense of it all...I now know through the EMS reports and the hospital records and cell bill that he was pronounced dead at 3:04pm on 10/10/12...I wasn't even contacted by the hospital until 3:10pm...of course they wouldn't tell me what was through a series of mishaps that I couldn't be contacted...he put his own cell number down as the number for an emergency contact in his work file...the nurse found his cell phone and saw the missed call from me at 2:56pm when he was in the process of dying...that's how they ran me down...I'm mad, I'm broken, I don't know how or why this happened to least not now...I knew that with him being 15 years older then me that at some point in our lives that this would probably be a situation that I would have to deal with...but not now...but through my reading and through this website..I have found out I am NOT alone...that there are MANY of us going through the exact same thing...the same feelings, the same hurt, the same grief, the same overwhelming pain that losing your spouse or partner leaves you with...I know that I am grateful for the 24 years that I had with him, but like you spend many days wishing for my "old" life back, all the struggling, the trials, the tribulations, the good, the bad, the ugly, just not this....I feel cheated and robbed as well, I say my prayers every night and every night of my life I thanked God for Ronnie, not because our life was perfect or grand, because believe me, it wasn't, sometimes it was just down right HARD, we raised 2 boys and my daughter together...he gave me 2 wonderful sons that will carry his name on forever, but I'm not ready to be his WIDOW...what a horrible word!!! But in the back of my mind I do know, and I hope you at some point feel this as well, that if we are hurting THIS bad, if the pain is THIS deep and THIS hard to handle, to the point that somedays it would be easier to not be here then to deal with it, then WE are the ones that have been truly BLESSED in our lives with the kind of love and have had that love for someone that it makes us feel this I type, there are tears rolling down my cheeks and a sob in my throat...I truly understand...I hope WE can ALL find peace.....somewhere down the road!! May God help us all on our journey....


Sandy Pohl

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