Still hurting!! My pain for Jamie Michael Boudreau
by Jessica Peters
(West frankfort Il)
Jamie Michael Boudreau
The 8 th will be 8 months since Jamie has passed. Everyday I cry inside but hold it in so no one sees! I still ask why? I still wonder if I would of only done something different would he still be here? My heart aches for him so badly! I miss him so much. They say as days go by it gets easier. The only thing that has got easier is the tears I shed. They fall like rain drops. How can one cry so much? How can someone I love, cared so much for, made me happy no matter what was going on just be gone. Just ripped away from me without a say so what so ever! This man I love so much I can never kiss him again,hug him, hold him, be with, argue , be happy, see Again! It still isn't sunk in all the way. It will never completely! Cause I can't except that he's gone! My everything is no more! The love I have for him still is strong as it ever was. I not stronger! I want to wake up from this nightmare and he be here with me. I want it all back. The good the bad I don't care I just want him. My love,my soul mate, my best friend I would trade anything for him one last time! To hear his voice,feel his touch his breath on my shoulders. God only gives us what we can handle. But the pain I don't think I can handle. I feel lost , alone and robbed! It's not fair! If only I did could of changed it. Only If we wouldn't of bought that car. But that's it only if! We were like fire and gasoline. I just made his fire hotter! If he only knew how bad I hurt for him and how hard it is for me to keep fighting. I know he knew how much I loved him but if I could I only told him one last time alive I would feel some relief. I still tell him everyday and everynight. I look at are pictures and remember all the wonderful time s we shared but I can't accept what my life has came too! It's changed and I had no say so in it. I didn't want this change! I want more than anything to go back to that day and do things so different. But that can't happen. I have to fight each and everyday to get me one day closer to him. I love and miss my Jamie Michael!!