Still isn't real

by Mark
(Massachusetts)

They cannot see

The pain I feel is hidden away
To be let loose some other day
I don't know when I don't know why
But around others I cannot cry

That doesn't mean I'm not dying inside
But from the eyes of the world this hurt I hide
They think I'm strong and don't comprehend
That to let it loose would be my end

But when I'm alone and think of you
I still can't believe that this is true
What I would give for one more quarrel or that smart ass look
I get so angry that it's you he took

You always smiled and made us chuckle
Knowing you're gone makes my knees buckle
As I sit by your grave and no one is near
The pain hits me hard and I shed a tear

Never again will you stand or joke with me
But the emptiness I feel they cannot see


March 17th 2012 my son left us. He was in a car accident and died instantly. It's only been a month and it still feels like a terrible dream.

Comments for Still isn't real

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May 01, 2012
Jake
by: Anonymous

that is a lovely poem and so so true, sadly I am at the same place as you at the moment, my son died in October, he was 23. It is so hard to just keep living, we have to for our other children, if anything happened to my daughter I would not be here, she is my world now and that is a huge burden to place on her for which I feel guilty. My husband is no help, he was not Jake's Dad and they didnt really get on, I am sure he feels guilty but he is "over it" now and thinks I should be the same. I will never be over it, I just hope that somehow I can learn a coping strategy to deal with it, I miss my baby so much, just one breath at a time is the only way. My thoughts are with you and all the other parents on here that have lost a child, if there is a God I hope he can help us find a way to live on without our children.

Apr 28, 2012
It isn't real for me either
by: Ginger

I am so sorry that others have to feel this horrible pain.
My daughter "Bre" died in a car accident five months ago. I thought I could handle anything that this world could throw at me but this just about knocked me over. The love you have for your children is never-ending. Bre was my best friend who was completely honest with me. Each minute of each day my thoughts are with her. My faith in God keeps me going and knowing that one day I will be re-united with her again. Tomorrow is her birthday! Happy Birthday to my beautiful Girl.
Keep sharing your grief. Don't lock it inside of you, I think it will destroy. Let others help you through this. Take care

Apr 26, 2012
Never will be
by: Sandy A Pa

It has been 15 months since my 28yr son passed - There are moments of realization that hit you like a tone of bricks and bring you to your knees. Your poem says so much about how we all feel inside, how we hide the pain. Your grief and sorrow is so new - so many emotions, highs and lows to go through. I am so so sorry for your loss, no parent should ever ever have to go through this. Oh what i wouldn't give to hear one more laugh from my son or mostly more than anything to hug him. All we can do is pray for peace in our hearts and know that our sons are in heaven. Please come back here often - we listen and we all know.

Apr 26, 2012
Time does not erase loss, it consolidates it.
by: Cheryl

Hello Mark, I truly, deeply, feel for you, and can understand how you feel. Like you, I "hide" the pain of my son's death, and keep it within myself. No-one truly knows how you and I grieve inside, but I can tell from your poem how deep it is within you.
Initially I too could only express the sorrow of my son's death through poetry. To express it any other way was just too painful. My son has now been dead for 9 months. That's as long as I carried him 44 years ago. But oh! how different each of those 9 months are! One full of anticipation and joy at its end. The other the complete opposite. There are no words anyone can say that will stop our pain. There are no reasons to be found that will answer our cries of "Why?". Time will not erase our loss, it will only consolidate it. And so we endure the pain, and here, in this forum, we share our experiences. Comments posted by other parents sharing the same sorrow has helped me, and I truly hope it will help you too.
A real big crushing hug from me to you. Love from Cheryl

Apr 25, 2012
sharing pain
by: Molly

I am so sad to admit that I too share your pain, my son passed away 9 months ago he was at basketball camp and he was visiting his friend and it was his first trip out of the country without me. The pain is never ending it has dulled in its intensity but my heart remains broken. People keep telling me it will get better with time, and honestly I don't believe them this will never get better we will just learn to accept this great loss in our lives an continue on. Often times I really don't want to continue on but I think about family and friends and mostly about my son Quinn and I know that he would want me to. I have just tried to keep myself busy and write alot and talk about it when I can but my life will never be the same it is a different life that I never thought that I would have to live nor did I wish to live it. I am like you, I still can't believe that my son is gone every morning I keep saying is this for real! am I in some alternate universe??? this sorrow will live in our hearts forever, I just keep hoping that my forever won't be too long. I have also been going to church because I feel it brings me closer to my son. You know there really is no remedy, you are so early in your loss and everyone is different. The main suggestion that I can give you is to find people that you can talk to over and over again that they won't mind listening write letters, draw pictures whatever helps to keep your mind occupied. Everyone thinks I am strong too but I am just barely making it and putting on my pretender face each and every day until my day that I am with my loving son again. I love your poem it says exactly how I feel and I am sure home many others feel also, so keep writing your poems too. Be Well

Apr 25, 2012
It's Very Surreal......
by: TrishJ

I'm truly so sorry for your loss. This is a great place to come and get your feelings out.
We are all grieving on this site. I hope you find some peace in your day. Be good to yourself and don't expect too much for the first six months. You are in a state of shock and have to take on new things gradually. Stay away from those people who don't want to understand your feelings. I get through by knowing I will see my husband again some day. The problem is....I want him now. Not some day.

God bless.

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