still miss my dad...

I am approaching 40 this year and I lost my dad when I was 25...it hit me for six and my twenties were spent in a spin of anger, resentment, drunkness etc...even all these years on times like this I still miss him but I do deal with it. I have a son who is 5 who he has never met who acknowledges his "granddad" when he sees the stars in the sky..i still get pangs of sadness when I see children with their grandparents in the park.....the biggest regrets....he never met my son..he never gave me away on my wedding day, is he proud of me?? ...I never grew up when he was alive and now I am a wife & mother it pains me he never saw me this way....I still feel resentment all my brothers got this experience he met all their children and saw all their weddings but then I feel like such a child for feeling this way. I resent people who are my age who still have their dads around and think to myself you have had 15 years more with your dad than I did......I was the only daughter in a family of 6 (I have 5 a brothers) and we used to be a close family as my dad kept us together...my mum doesn't do that my dad was the strong one...I guess I just miss the "old times"....

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May 10, 2013
still miss my dad....
by: Doreen U.K.

They say life begins at 40. You are older and more mature and will feel each stage of loss differently. I hope your 5 brother's look out for you and supportive. This does help a lot. How you are feeling is NORMAL. I have felt this way and felt that I shouldn't. But it is part of grief and will soon go. Seeing other people happy and enjoying Easter, Christmas, Holidays and family times hurt me. I didn't resent them for it but I hated what I lost. My husband of 44yrs. lost his battle with cancer a year ago and I still feel such hurt pain, lonliness, and cry more now. I also see everyone going on with life unmoved by other tragedies. Their world is stable whilst ours is upside down. We can't make sense of it. It is normal to hurt for not having your father around to give you away at your wedding and to see your children. My daughter is in the same place. She won't have her dad at her wedding. He won't know when I die. He won't know what will happen to his children. Death hurts us in so many ways. Being from a close knit family will help your grief if you do it together as a family. We are 5 girls and one boy and it is this closeness that helps us through our grief. This is one of the blessings of life. Having a lot of siblings and having family closeness.

May 10, 2013
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
by: Anonymous

hi i can see where your coming from . i am the oldest of 8 i was 30 and my dad died suddenly. he is missing out on everything. i too will never have him around to give me away . he will never see my kids or any of his grandkids. hes gone a year and half and i understand exactly what your going through. i guess we just have to keep going. i believe my dad is with me only i cant see him.

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