Still miss my darling mum

My mum passed away suddenly on 29th April 2012 aged 65 when I was 32 with a 3 year old and 8 week old baby. Although the pain has eased, I miss her everyday but I really miss her today. She would have loved to have be with my 5 year old daughter and 2 year old son and I miss spending time together doing the normal things a mother and daughter do- going for coffee, chatting, shopping. I miss her sound advice. I yelled at my children earlier for messing about at the dinner table and feel like a rubbish parent. I just need a break sometimes and my dad isn't my mum and my husband, although wonderfully supportive, isn't the same support as a mum on the end of the phone. I long for her hugs and reassurance sometimes. My dad has moved on and found a new lady in the last month or so and I'm happy for him, but a mum is irreplaceable and it sometimes feels I will never get over this or be as happy as I used to be.

Comments for Still miss my darling mum

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Sep 08, 2014
The sun does not shine the same way without my mom
by: Neo

We lost our mom on the 20th of July 2014.
I have made peace with the fact that I will never heal or "get over it". My mom, sister and I did everything together.
I have horrible days and I have bearable days but I have been crying everyday since God called my mom to heaven. Its hard, she was only 63 and I'm 32, my sister is 30. We both don't have kids nor are we married.
Mama was our everything,She was our cheerleader and number one fan. She celebrated absolutely every little or big milestone we achieved. Everyday is a battle for me...Mama is the first and last person i think about every single day...The pain of losing my mom feels like I'm trapped in maximum security prison with no hope of getting parole...

Aug 31, 2014
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Hi again

Thank you for all the comments and so sorry to the person who suddenly lost their mum this August in the latest comment to my original post, it is such early days and it must feel so raw. I'm glad you have your fiance to support you through these dark, difficult days- I promise you things will get easier, although it may not feel like it will right now.

I can appreciate how awful it must be for you and because it was so unexpected and she was young like my mum, it makes it even harder. My step-mother in law still has her mum and complains when she has to visit her and is so old and frail and it makes me cross because I would have done anything to look after my mum into old age.

When my mum died, I cried for months, wore my mum's cardigan for days, didn't brush my hair and just went for long walks with tears in my eyes. I'd just had a baby and I'm not sure how I got through it. I know you must feel devastated your mum will miss your wedding and if you have children, but she will be with you in your heart during these times and her spirit will be reflected in you in how you are as a wife and if you do have children, as a mum. I know it is devastating though and no words can make it better.

It is such early days and you must still be in shock. After the shock of it all sinks in, I think I felt sadness every day for at least 9 months and then gradually the times when I felt intense pain and grief lessened, but even now after 2 and a bit years there are days when I feel like it hits me like a thunderbolt and I long for her presence. I remember feeling such acute emotion about everything in the first year and although everything was tinged with sadness; noticing a bird in a tree, a rainbow or the way sunlight fell onto the ground gave me moments of joy which kept me going. Lean on your fiance.

It does get easier, but I'm sure you feel like you are in a deep hole right now. I remember feeling like I was standing on the edge of a deep precipice of sadness that I was going to fall in and it was going to swallow me up. I sat on the bottom step on the stairs at my mum and dad's house after we got back from the hospital on the morning she died, my husband was in the house, my children, my dad and my sister, yet I felt so alone and couldn't work out what I was going to do. I honestly didn't think I would cope at all. But you do and you will, so please don't think about ending it. Your mum would want you to keep on living and to finish the things she started- there was never a good time for you to lose her. A poem I found amongst my mum's things shortly after she died really helped me:

'If I should die and leave you here awhile,
Be not like others sore, undone who keep
Long vigils by the silent dust and weep.
For my sake turn again to life and smile,
Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do,
Something to comfort other hearts than thine.
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine,
And I, perchance may therein comfort you.

Anon

It is probably too soon to think about this poem, but it gave me great comfort last year when a year or so had passed and I was missing her. I miss her everyday but now I feel a warmth inside me when I think of her rather than a terrible, engulfing sadness and devastation.

Following on from the other comments that were left for me I have decided to learn to use my mum's sewing machine to learn to sew and use some of her fabric to make things for my children. I am going to make a memory book/ online blog with activities with my children that I used to do with my mum- simple things like baking cakes, making stuff to try to keep her memory alive. I'm trying to stay positive about my dad's new relationship and I am pleased he is experiencing joy again? Thanks again xx

Aug 30, 2014
I lost mine too
by: Anonymous

I find myself getting jealous of those who write about their grief of the loss of their 80+ yr old mothers...my mom only lived 63 years.

I struggle because I am 30 and my mom died at 63. She wasn't suffering from any long-term illness. She died suddenly, August 21st 2014, while resting on her couch. I am supposed to be getting married this December, and I am not a blushing bride. My mother won't be there. She won't be there when and if I welcome children into the world. They won't have ever met her. I am starting to have feelings of wanting to escape my life. I'm considering selling my house. I am an only child, with no father. All I have left is my wonderful fiancé. He's supportive, but I just can't get out of this hole.




Aug 22, 2014
I also wonder..
by: Jenifer

My mom passed 3 months ago. She was 61 and I am 34 with two preschoolers. We were all so close and we all miss her dearly. Its difficult to enjoy new experiences because she is no longer here to smile along with us. Anytime I have an okay day or find happiness in my kids joys, the nights turn to sorrow because I can not share the memories with her. I try to stay strong for my kids but I do not understand how I will ever be truly happy and fulfilled again within myself. Have you kept your mom's memory alive over the pas couple years with your children through pictures, stories, or videos? I talk about "meme" everyday with my 3 and 4 year old and I hope they never forget her.

Aug 22, 2014
Still miss my darling mum
by: Doreen UK

This is how we all feel after a death of a loved one or a Mum. Life is never the same and we feel as if we will be this way forever and never be happy again. But you will find your life again after the dust has settled.
A mother carries her child for 9 months and bonds in a way one can't with a father. but this is not to say that later the bond between a father and his son/daughter can't be strong. It is just hard work for a man as there isn't that bond from carrying a child. Then there is some people who never bond at all with their child.
Don't feel guilt if you chastise your children. It doesn't make you a rubbish mum. As humans we try to be perfect and when we mess up we assault ourselves with guilt. DON'T.
Spend your time with memories about your mum and how she reared you and know that she put a lot of herself in you and you will emulate your mother. You will see glimpses of her in your children. No one can take the place of a mum. But it is possible to befriend your father's new lady and you never know what friendships can be fostered.
My mother died 11yrs. ago and it took me 9yrs. to get over my loss. I didn't grieve till I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago. Cherish the one's you have left in your life and make memories.

Aug 19, 2014
still miss my darling mum
by: lerato

Time heals you will overcome and will give strength as long as you accept. But memories are for ever

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