Still missing mom 20 years later

by Lou

Its been 20 years since I lost my mother. I was fairly young then, only 30 and had only been married for seven years. So much has happened in the 20 years since she passed. I had a child I never thought I would, my husband got leukemia and subsequently a bone marrow transplant. That in itself has been such a hard struggle. My dad remarried someone that I and my brother and sisters did not like and then passed four years after my mother did. At first the death seemed like a dream. Now the life before the death seems like a dream. I miss my mom and dad so much. I have never really recovered from it, don't suppose I ever will. Nothing can replace them, not only them but how things were then. I am not as close to my brother and sisters as I was, and feel terribly alone. I wish I could say that it will get better with time but it doesn't. It just feels different. The pain is always there and for some reason my faith is not as strong as it was then. At that time I had no doubt that I would see her again. Now I am not so sure. I have doubts about an after life and I don't know why. Wish I could have had more children. Maybe that would have helped.

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