Still Trying To Adjust Without Mom!

My mother has been gone for almost a year and a half and I am still reeling from her loss. I have been through numerous counseling sessions and on medications, but that only helps so much. What bothers me the most is that I seem to be the only one in my immediate family that has issues with her loss. My father has moved on and is in a serious relationship. He never talks about her and I feel like he already forgot about her. My brother is in a serious relationship and seems to be doing fine without her. Me, I can't get over her death and think about her all the time. I gained weight and haven't been sleeping well. I would think after a year and a half and with all the counseling I have received, I would be moving on with my life, but I feel like I'm at a standstill. One problem is that my mother is buried in another state and I haven't been able to visit her grave as much as I have wanted to. I feel jealous when I see mothers and daughters together. Once I was in an elevator when a young woman was fighting with her mother over the phone. I wanted to throttle her.

Why am I having so much trouble moving on with my life?

Comments for Still Trying To Adjust Without Mom!

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Nov 19, 2011
Some loves are powerful
by: Anonymous

My mom passed away 7 weeks, 5 days and 10 hours ago. Whether I want it or not I have a silent internal clock that ticks away since the last time with my mom. Like you, mom is always with me. Maybe it is too early for me to say but I sense that my mourning is done and I'm in the remembering time with my mom. And if it is always as it is, it will be ok. Some loves are so special and so strong and so powerful that we stay connected to them always. I have suffered through many issues in my life and this sweet burden of my mom is ok. I can carry this. My love for her is strong enough to keep her very close, always. I will move on in my life, I will keep involved with other people and I will look after myself. But, I will keep this precious pain in my heart. It is my love for my mom and the love that surrounded her. This is my new life and I would never change it.

Oct 05, 2011
Thanks Julie
by: Ilana

To answer your questions, my mother's death was very quick. She died five months from the day she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. She was in and out of the hospital. I wasn't with her when she passed because a week before she passed she was up and talking and that night she stopped breathing and was transferred to the ICU and she never regained consciousness. She held on for another week, but every time I visited her in the ICU, I felt like she was no longer with us because she wasn't responding. The machines were doing all of the work. The day say died and the doctor told us there was nothing else they could do for her, I said my goodbye and left the hospital. I couldn't bare to see her heart stop. I didn't want to remember her that way. I doubting myself as to whether or not that was the right decision, because on the one hand maybe I should have been with her when she passed, but on the other hand, she wouldn't have noticed. This was the most difficult decision of my life. It was so quick. One minute she was alive and vibrant and the next she was weak and fading away. And now I see my dad with another woman and it's tearing me apart.

Oct 04, 2011
Be nice to YOU
by: Julie

You need to stop being so hard on yourself! Your world, as you had known it since the second you were born, instantly changed. You were always used to having your mom around and now she's not there. She was probably so woven into your thoughts, your days, everything that you didn't really notice how much until she wasn't there.
I don't know whether she had a long, drawn out death or a quick one, but either way, your life is completely different. If it was long and drawn out, like my brothers was, I got used to being his caregiver- Being at the hospital every afternoon to night(my "shift"), going to the hospital whenever I had a free moment, sending him texts throughout the day when I couldn't be with him... so when he passed, I didn't know what to do with myself.

If it was a quick death, you had no way to prepare yourself and the shock may not wear off for a very long time. Your brain is probably still processing it. I know I'm not in denial about my brother- I was holding his hand when he took his last breath... but it still seems like he's just in college, or at the Omaha hospital. It's really hard to finally realize that wow- that's it.

I would say the best thing to do is not compare your pain/grieving process with anyone else. I am the one in my situation grieving the most in public, which my older brother flat out refuses to talk about it- who do you think is "dealing" better? So perhaps your family doesn't appear to be grieving to you, while they may not have even begun to grieve fully. I will catch up with them- you can't escape what happened to all of you. Hang tight, and like I said before, be nicer to you. :) Take time to cry, take time to talk to her- write on here about things that don't make sense to others... Do what you need to do.

Love from Illinois,

Oct 04, 2011
Moving on...
by: Tony

I lost my Mom earlier this year, you have my sympathies in your loss. Grief can take time, everyone is different in that time it takes to feel "better". Just go at your pace, breath slowly, and realize your Mom is there, a part of you, prayer helps for me. Sometimes I think I`m feeling better, than other times, no. hugs to you in your grief, Tony

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