StressedOutMom

by Kathy Baumgart
(Evansville, IN)




Click on each photo to enlarge.

My Dad used to tell me the true test of a person’s character is not how they behave when things are going well. It’s how they behave when their facing a trial and their back is against the wall. I’ve certainly felt that way over the past three years. Let me quickly summarize my last 2 years. On March the 1st , 2010 our oldest son died at 26. His birth made me a mom in 1983. Being a mom was and will remain the most precious blessing of my life. We actually buried our precious Jo Jo on my husband’s birthday. He was crushed when his dump truck bed fell on him. His daughter was 4 ½ months old at the time of his death. I repeatedly said the best part of being a grandparent is watching your child be a parent. He loved every precious minute of being her Dad. About 6 weeks after his death our granddaughter’s mother who was over whelmed with grief decided that we didn’t need to be in her life. That put us in the very awkward position of having to retain a lawyer, which is VERY expensive, and start the process of invoking our grandparents’ rights. Something we NEVER imagined we would ever have to do. After several months of our continuous prayer and loving on her, I am happy to report we are now the loving family I imagined we would always be and we never had to invoke our grandparent’s rights. About that same time 6 – 8 weeks after our son died our daughter miscarried her first pregnancy. Her precious little body just couldn’t handle the grief and the baby at the same time.

The next year on Oct 13th 2011 we lost my best friend since birth, my precious mother she was only 69 and her death was also sudden and unexpected. Mom, my daughter and I were like the three musketeers. We drew strength from each other and were helping each other through the grieving process.

Six weeks later her 50 yr old brother, my best friend in high school, died suddenly. He left behind a stay at home wife and 7 children. They were and still are the most precious family you've ever seen.

And this year my employer of 25 years is struggling and there is a very real possibility that I am going to lose my job. Leaving me with the daunting task of writing a resume and looking for a job at nearly 50. This very prospect terrifies me.

I feel like a punching bag. It's been two years since my son's death and 6 months since my mother's death and I still cry every day. Our daughter is expecting again and is in her second trimester. I am happy for her and anticipating the birth of another precious grand child. I can't wait to see my daughter being a mom. But I am not experiencing joy. I now wonder if I will ever experience joy again.

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May 30, 2012
Followup
by: StressedOutMom

I am happy to report I am still employed. However, several very good people and friends did lose their jobs :( My daughter is expecting again and is having a little girl in September. I know I will NEVER be the same. I used to be so optimistic and now I cry every day. But I am truly trying to focus on the little and big hugs from Heaven. They are there they are just so often blocked by my grief.

Apr 08, 2012
I don't get it
by: carol,seans mom

Kathy, I don't understand why some people bear all of life's pains. I lost my 24 year old son on November 15,2011. His name was Sean Patrick. He was the oldest of three children and my only son. He died suddenly in his sleep. How does this happen? Honestly it has destroyed me ,his dad and his sisters. The pain is unbearable everyday. Today is Easter and Friday April 6th, Good Friday was what should of been his 25th birthday. I have not figured out how to go threw my life without him. His dad and I have not been together for awhile and I am happy to say I met someone a few years ago who has been my rock. He has one child, a girl who has kidney failure and will be spending Easter in the hospital. What a different life I have today than I did last Easter. My body shakes,I am sad and hurt all the time. Hiding this from people is exhausting. I saw your title Stressed out Mom and thought ,How appropriate for me. I am so sorry for everything you are dealing with. I do not know why some of us are being tested. My hope and faith are struggling so I am hoping to work on these things this coming year. I don't know what else to do.

Apr 06, 2012
I can feel for you!
by: rayolife

I lost my 28 year old son, almost 4 years ago to a commercial truck driver, repeat DUI offender, driving without a license, high on marijuana, etc. David had only been home several weeks from a 15 month deployment to Afghnistan, before that he was serving in Iraq while I was recovering from a horrific divorce from his Dad. David had immediately joined the Army reserves, was engaged to be married, waiting for college to begin so he could finish his physician assistant's degree. Everybody loved him dearly, he was such an humble servant, and brought sunshine into everyone's life! I had lost my job teaching at a community college, told I was not longer needed. I received only $200.00 a week from the government for 2 months before I had to take a job teaching at a middle school(YUCK!). That money just covered my house payment, and the house was falling in on itself and needed all kinds of repair! Just a couple years before that I had lost my Dad to Alzheimer's and my Mom to cancer. I was the primary care giver even though I worked a full time job and 2 part time jobs. I also served as their Power of Attorneys and Executrix of the Estates. I have 6 other brothers and sisters, but they couldn't help out. So I had to asked God, what have I done that is so terribly wrong that I deserve this? I still don't have answers. I recently retired, the loss of my son is like a dagger in my heart everyday. My older son is a drug addict that lives with me. My faith has all but been destroyed. I stay busy 24/7 just to make time pass. It does help to know that I am not alone, others are having one tragedy placed upon another in a very short amount of time. Life on this earth is torture! I just endure from sunrise to sunset. Hang in there.

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