Stryder, I will miss you forever.
by Natashia Pinsent
In 2004 I adopted the most loving 1yr old Black Lab/Border Collie cross. His name is Stryder and he means the world to me. Almost exactly 2 years ago he passed at only 7yrs old. Despite the fact that I knew he wasn't well and no amount of tests could explain it, the vets told me he was fine. I would have done whatever it took to save him, but he slipped away one night while I slept and I didn't even have a chance to say good bye, tell him what a good boy he was or hold him one last time. While I was sleeping, he was dying...
I know logically it's not my fault, and I know I had every test done that I possibly could have. I saw three different vets and got no answers. There may not have been anything more that could have been done. But the guilt of him going through that all alone and discovering him the next morning still haunts me. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and checking to make sure my new dog is breathing, or worrying that something will have happened to him while I'm away at work.
Will this feeling ever go away? I will always love and miss him but it feels like I am just ripped up inside and I just can't shake it.