by VJ

It's been over four years since my daughters death. I am still here and I miss her every day and I would give anything to bring her back. I walk by her picture every day and I look at her smiling face and still can't believe she is gone but she is. I use to talk to her as though she were still here. I still do but not as often. I still have days where I can't seem to stop the tears but I also have days that there are no tears. I know that I will always carry the pain of losing her with me.
I also know that it's okay to 'try' and live again. She would want that for me. I am not leaving her behind by trying to move forward. She will Always be a part of me.
Losing a child to me is the worst thing I believe anyone can endure. You aren't suppose to outlive your children, or bury them. It can be the darkest of places but it can slowly, gradually change. With time the light will filter in. It may only be the size of a pin hole but you will feel it, see it. Time doesn't heal all wounds in my book, but it can bring you a little hope. Four years ago I couldn't imagine writing this but I am. To those of you who have lost children I send my prayers out to you. I want to give you a little bit of hope and remind you that you aren't alone.

God Bless You.

Comments for Stuck...

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 15, 2013
Your son comments by VJ
by: Anonymous

Thank you for responding to my grief about my son. Yes I loved him with all my heart. I did everything, and he kept said he was getting better. Although he lived at home, he was out a lot, and had a girlfriend and some friends. They did not have his best interest, and kept me from helping him in the best way. But as everyone has said, you can't tell them what to do. He was an adult. And he had to make that choice.

Oct 11, 2013
Someone Cares...
by: Anonymous

I want to first tell you how very sorry I am for all your loss and for all you are enduring now. Life doesn't seem fair at times. You see some people with much more than they will ever need and others suffering without. I try not to question life to often but as you know-that is hard not do. I wasn't planning on writing for a bit here. I come and go from the site but I read your story and I had to write to you. Pain is So hard, So overwhelming and So dark. We have to have a little bit of Hope and Faith in order to just pull ourselves up out of the bed everyday. For yourself it is your grandchild that needs you and your other grandchildren. I am not sure but it sounds like they are not with you due to legality. If so-don't think that you still don't matter. Knowing that you are there still gives them hope. I worked with children and many who were in group homes and they would tell me of how they had grandparents, aunts, siblings out there and it meant the world to them. It brought them hope. Many had lost their parents to drugs, prison and some to murder even. It often broke my heart but I felt if I could bring any Hope to them or a smile to them it made my job even more worth while.

Please keep reaching out and when you feel you are All alone and the darkness washes over you-keep talking. People on this site do care and all of us who have lost a child or a loved one know your pain. I miss my daughter more than anything. She left behind a little girl.

I will keep you in my prayers.
God Bless you.

Oct 11, 2013
lost without her
by: Anonymous

I sit here in the silence... Dec. 6,2013 will be my 33rd wedding anniversary and 6 years since my beautiful daughter took her life. She was my best friend the mother of my grandson and my reason to breath. She was born on a sunny day in Feb 1983 which was rare for Montana in the winter. But the sunshine she brought into our lives will never be forgotten.The warmth of her smile and her loving heart warmed us for many years, until one day a social path walked into her life and took her smile and all that I held dear from me. He mentally and physically abused her destroying the strong willed woman she was. I watched and reached out but to no avail, he had her in his grips, all the years of raising and coaching her were gone. Poof like that he had the power to take a self assure young women into his trap...questioning herself at every turn. One might think this would take a long time to turn a self confident young women into one looking for love outside herself. But the truth is it took less then 8 months for her to go from a thriving young mother and beautiful women to take her own life leaving behind a 3 year old son to navigate life without her. That is my story of her but my story of me is much more dismal. I am left to carry on without help her child through a world of craziness shootings in his back aunt who have abandoned her children for a life of drugs. Here I am a grandma in Washington state with no legal leg to stand on and a broken heart.

Oct 11, 2013
Do Over by Anonymous
by: VJ

I am truly sorry about the loss of your son. I dealt with issues similar to those with my daughter when she was in high school. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I spent worrying about her and her future. I did everything I could think of to try and get her help. Eventually (when she found out her sister was going to be having a baby) she decided to get her life in order. It was amazing how she turned her life around. Unfortunately she lost her life about ten yr's later. She was married and raising her daughter. I remember asking her after she had finally found her new role in life "What could I have done to help her during all those crazy wreckless times?"
She said "Nothing mom, nothing. I had to want to help myself and until then Nothing would have worked." I had taken her to counseling and checked up on her and did all I felt humanly possible but in the end it was up to her. I am so truly sorry that you had to lose your son. I know your heart breaks and you may be feeling you let him down-that if you had only... You can't do this to yourself. I know you would do Anything like myself to bring him back but we can't. I can tell by your words how much you loved your son and I am sure he knew. He is at Peace now and I will pray for Peace to find its way to you. You did your best and perhaps God has a bigger plan for him. Keep talking and try not to beat yourself up. It is a very hard road and try and take it one day at a time. Here is my email-feel free to email me anytime.

God Bless You.

Oct 10, 2013
Lost child
by: Anonymous

I lost my son, and I was doing ok for awhile. I'm now at the six months spot, and I'm sadder than ever. I can't understand how I lost him. I feel so guilty for not getting him help earlier. He was into drugs, and we tried to get him to stop. It just got worse over time. I wish I could do a do over. I feel like a failure, I let a precious life go. I just want him back.

Oct 09, 2013
Thank you
by: Kate

Thank you for sharing this, I am going on month 11 soon and because of the help of God with his holy power I understand your words. I'm getting slightly better. They are with us everyday. My son lives in my heart.

Oct 09, 2013
by: Doreen UK

VJ I am sorry for your loss of your beloved daughter. YES! no mother is prepared to lose a child/adult child. It will HURT you to the Core FOREVER. This is the worst experience a mother could go through. Grief is such a long process of Healing. It can wear one out. You are supposed to move on with your life. This is what we are supposed to do. I found a way to NURTURE myself through grief and I am Healing after losing my husband of 44yrs. 17 months ago to cancer. Do special things for yourself each day and build on it. You will heal much better. Also TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME is the best thing I did. My daughter asked me what I want to do next week on her holiday. I couldn't decide as I can only take ONE DAY AT A TIME. I do things on the spur of the moment and it works well for me. But I am moving forward. My greatest worry is "WHO will look after my daughter when I die?" Even if she is 33yrs. A mother will always Worry from the cradle to the Grave. It comes with the territory of being a MOM. I am sorry for your loss and I wish you better days ahead.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Adult Child.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!