Stupidity for Love
by Francis Assisi
I was involved with a lady who didnt tell me she was married when we met.As we got to know eachother she finally confessed she was separated.Well at least that what she said. She said that her husband was in agreement but he is always out of town so shewould not have to move out. Well months turn to 2 years. I called her everyday to see how her day was and she did the same. We felt connected . I have not felt that way about a woman before.
We discussed her plans of divorce but she just quit her job and did not feel she could support herself. As months passed ,I was becoming insecure with our situation as she would call it.
We started to argue alot and I did . not want to give her an ultimatum because I wanted her to do what her heart desired.
She visited me before Christmas and we had a good time enjoying each otheres company. I had noticed her phone was ringing and it was her husband.She played it off that he was calling her because he was at her friends birthday party. I got really insecure and confronted her but she stil insisted.
So we sat and talked and she says , I dont think I will be able to see you anymore. Was it the guilt that hit her just then? But she continued to act as nothing was wrong. we got in an argument and she says I dont want to hurt you so I have to let you go. So she flew back to Santa Maria and we still spoke on the phone.
Well during the holidays, she finally said I cant do this anymore I have to let you go because I Love You. I was sent for a whirlwind trying to figure out why and the truth. I should of cut my losses then. But I felt like I deserved answers and the truth since I knew I most likely will never see or talk to her again.
Well I asked if she was back in love with her husband and decided to work on her marriage. She said Im not trying ,but he is. I felt she was being vague.
I never checked her facebook page and found sure enough a posting " Yes Im visiting Pete in Florida and the kids are at a relatives" .That sent me silly. All the time she said she was not tring in her marriage and she goes and tell her world how she is visiting her husband. I AM AN IDIOT. All this time she said her and her husband were not working on things.
All I ever asked of her to be fragile with my heart. I told her to be truthful with me if her situation changes. Still after finding out that, she still states she does not love her husband. So I ask are you intimate with your husband. she swears NO up and down.
Well things went crazy on my end and my unresolved issues surfaced and I had to know the truth so I asked and asked. Finally I ask again and she says yes Im intimate with my husband. I asked if that is why she broke it off with me, she said NO
Swore up and down that she has never felt or loved anyone like me, but she read an article on what divorce does for the kids and she should try to do all she can to save her marriage. Bingo.. Nope she still maintains and says although that is the article she read, she is tayong JUST for the kids andshe could not do that to them.
I understand that part of the reason to stay, but I was still unsettled why she would send me an article on saving your marriage for the Kids when she wasnt working on her marriage. So I felt even more inclined to ask what was really the truth and going on.
Well I asked and asked and finally she admitted that she went to visit her huband but she downplayed it that it was a Christmas present and it was not a romantic get away. And she posts things on her facebool to prtray in her world what a wonderful life she is living. I was in disbelife and angered and ashamed and sad. All came out in anger. This lady never cared anything about me.
I was her doormat till her husband finally made moves to work on his marriage. Imagine how my PRIDE was handed to me and all Ive known of her felt like a lie. All her feeling and words to me were lies to help her get through a tough patch in her life. I WAS USED. To this day she says if I feel like that , that our LOVE was not true. To make me feel that what I was feeling was ALL Me. That even angered me more. All I wanted was closure to this.
So I finally decided to call her and her husband to finally see what was really going on. STUPID again of me.
I left a message on their voicemail and I got a call back from her husband .I asked if he knoew about us and he said she told me. I asked if he wanted to ask me questions. He said NO just not to call her or their house again. HE confirmed that they were working on there marriage.
That is ALL I wanted her to tell me to set me free rather than try to sugar coat it and taint it by saying I love you so I had to let you go. I am SO letdown and disgusted with myself for letting my Love for her get the best of my self worth and strength. It has driven me to true sadness that someone can claim they love me and then lie straight to my face until I became persitent.
She broke me and my heart and she lives her life Happy and intact knowing that she played me for her own needs.When it was in time of my needs she quickly turned her back on me and still claim I was a blessing for showing her love and for opening her heart like nobody ever before. Another line for me.
I am still grieving and in just disbelief. Did she really love me, was she using me, Was this all planned? Still unanswered.
Well I wished her and her husband good luck on working on the marriage. I never wantd her to choose or make her do something she did not want to do. All I wanted was honesty and I trusted she would do that. I was wrong and Im the heart broken one .
I grieve from my heartache, I grieve for living a fantasy , I grieve for not being GOOD to me. After all NO one else will.
So KLSA of Santa Maria. I Loved you and opened to you. You KILLED ME and drained me of all the emotion and love for your own interest.
Tears flow from my heart...