Such A Difficult Time
Eleven months ago today, Nov. 8, 2010 I signed papers for my husband, Gene to be put under hospice care. He passed away one month later, on Dec. 8, 2010. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in mid October. We were married for almost 41 years. I am having a very difficult time. He was such a wonderful person. Generous, humerous and loving. I must say we had a wonderful marriage and I am thankful to have had him in my life for all those years. As Thanksgiving approaches I am feeling torn apart. I am grateful for my children, my grandchildren, my home, my family and the life I had with Gene. I am fortunate to have a nice home, I am able to pay my bills, but I am just feeling lost. I know the holidays, just like every other day, will be difficult and I am just not up to celebrating anything. Being a widow is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, going on alone is heartbreaking. I don't know what direction to go. My friends and family have been wonderful but I don't think anyone of them really understand how difficult this time is for me. I don't want to burden them over the holidays with my feelings and my pain. I know those of you on this site know how I am feeling. I appreciate your listening and understanding. For all of us that are on this journey, I hope we find some peace during this holiday season. I continue to have faith in God that he will help me and that my Gene is looking down from heaven and is helping me find my way.