Such is the tragedy of life

by April
(Wisconsin)

When I was 3, I lost my mother, she either killed herself or her boyfriend killed them, or it was just a drunk accident. I'll never know. It was her birthday in November of 95, in northern Wisconsin and all day my sisters dad and our mom talked of how good of a day it was to die. that night they went head on into a tree trunk in front of a classy island resort.

My eldest sibling, Trudy, passed in much the same way, she was in Wisconsin visiting us, though she lived in south Dakota, she went out in 2000 and got drunk in town, met a guy and they were going around the last bend of a sharp S curve when the car flipped and m sister was ejected onto the highway, her young son was with us thankfully.

When our Mother passed me and my 3 half siblings were raised by my moms parents. In 2005, my grandpa, who was who I considered my dad, passed after being the strongest person I knew. His death brought me to a crossroads with depression and suicidal thoughts.
Thankfully my grandma was there for me through it and we were there for eachother. I got better and I grew into a good life of acceptance with my family.

But now my grandmother who I've always called mom is in a nursing home for the first time and she's dwindling away. And I wouldn't go back into suicidal ideas, I just feel my heart being wrenched away completely, I cannot bear to lose her. She means everything to me. Death is always so confusing and scary. Seeing strong people turn weak and frail so many times. I'm only 19 and I'm 2 months pregnant, who do I turn to for advice? I hate my boyfriends parents, they're going to be crap grandparents, with nothing to offer our children for knowledge and actual morals. I just wish things had been better.