Sudden death of my husband. He was only 45 years old.

by Carmen
(Miami, Fl)

Three weeks ago, I lost my husband Tony. WE met when we were seventeen. The first time he saw me, he said to himself I would one day be his wife. I was his first love, and only love thereafter. He suffered a heart attack six years ago, and survived it. This time was different. Didn't even seem like a heart attack. After having dinner and making love, he told me he was feeling weird and to take him to the hospital. I did. He was speaking with me throughout the drive to the hospital, still not complaining of any pain. I left him in the emergency entrance, since he was able to walk and do everything perfectly fine. I went to park and went in to the hospital. No more than five minutes. When I walk in they have him on a stretcher and I see him take his last breath. I was not able to hold his hand, or say my last I love you. I feel I was cheated. I feel he left alone without me holding his hand. Everything was so sudden. I feel in shock, numb, empty. I miss him so much. He was only 45. Left five children and two grand kids behind. It hurts so much.

Comments for Sudden death of my husband. He was only 45 years old.

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Oct 19, 2014
Died sudden death
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry for your loss of your husband to a sudden death.
There is no pain like the loss of a spouse. He was so young to die and this shock will have interfered with your grief. Grief is different for each of us. Some of us go into DENIAL, or we may be STUCK IN GRIEF and unable to move forward. Since you have been in RAW GRIEF Pain for some time you need to think about seeing a grief counselor for support. It is possible to move beyond the point your are at now. HURTING SO MUCH and feeling that life is unbearable. Often families or friends cannot understand why we still feel the way we do after losing a spouse. They think we should move forward. Only because they don't know what it feels like to lose a spouse and how difficult the healing process is.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs.5 months ago and I nursed him for 3yrs.39days before he died. I could not function at all for 6 full months. I took to the couch and could not get off to do anything. I also wanted to die and not go on. This is such a common feeling for most of us. WE hurt so much we can't go on. WE lose our MOTIVATION to do anything. You are so young to give up on life. START by building yourself up. Do one good thing for yourself each day and build on this till it becomes a way of life. e.g. Get your hair done, go out for a meal, join a club. Buy yourself flowers and put them in a vase and admire them. Feel the beauty of whatever you do. If you have a garden plant some flowers. Do just anything you like to make each day better. You will soon start to heal and find life a little more bearable. No one should have to just tolerate grief and feel such pain that life is so unbearable they don't want to live anymore because it HURTS SO MUCH. I was locked into feeling this way as if I couldn't go on in life anymore, and I didn't think I would feel able to face a new day. I started by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. which I learned on this site. I still can only TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. Do you have family/friends who are supporting you? I still have days when I feel that life becomes a burden to one's self. You go through the motions and even when doing many things each day as part of life, we can feel grief as an uphill struggle which takes away all our energy levels and we don't have the strength to go on. You could also see your doctor for some medication support till you can find your way back. I started to FOCUS. I knew
that I had no choice to go on in life. I still have one daughter at home who needs me and this gives me the strength to fight another day. We have to find a reason and a purpose to go on living. I pray to God that you get the support you need and that you do find a purpose and reason to live.

Oct 18, 2014
Died sudden Death
by: Anonymous

I too have lost my husband of 17 yrs marriage .He was 49 March will make 3 yrs of his death.He told me sunday he didnt feel good He told me he only had 4 beers we went to a wedding the night before .I thought he ate something that didnt agree with him.He never said any thing about going to the hospital ,so I figured he was OK. We went out to eat that night ,never mentioned how he was feeling.He didnt eat that well.We went home went to sleep .He woke up the next morning with fluttering .He told me it started earlier he didnt want to wake me up. He also insisted on taking a shower. I told him no but he took one anyways.It was about 2 minutes into the shower he called me Give me a Nitro .His heart was pounding He got dressed in his new cloths .I thought that was weird.I told him get into the car I drove him to the hospital .on the way he said what If I dont make it .I was minutes from hospital he said he felt weird then he had a horrible type of convulsion .911 told me to do CPR till they got there I had to drag him out of the car I flagged an Anesthesiologist .He did CPR the police got there then the ambulance.I new my love ,my soul mate was gone.after a half hr they got a pulse brought him to cath lab He was 100 percent blocked he lived in the OR for10 min.Then he died again .I have been in bed for the majority of the time since he died. I just cant live without him I LOVE HIM STILL and cant wait to die so i wont hurt anymore.

Nov 09, 2013
I am sorry for your pain as there is nothing like it!
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous I am sorry for your loss of your wife at such a young age, and in a tragic way. You are so young and have the responsibility of rearing 2 young children and also having to hold down a job in order to live. My heart goes out to you and I can only imagine how difficult this will be. You need to have a good support structure in place so the children's needs are taken care of since they are dependent on care and are so young. But you also need to not neglect your own needs for support which needs to be on going for some years. It is not impossible to move forward but it will be very painful and difficult. You also are too young to put your life on hold forever, but now is not the time to process this. Just don't ignore this at the right time. A good grief counsellor may be able to support you through your loss and the immense challenges that now present you ahead. My thoughts and prayers go with you and my support should you need this on going. Please write back if you need to.

Nov 08, 2013
Iam sorry for your pain as there is nothing like it
by: Anonymous

I am very sorry for your pain and I do understand how you feel cheated. I myself am in the process of loosing my amazing wife. We first met at work when she was the nurse taking care if an ill patient and I was the medical resident on call who answered her call for help. Well 5 years later we are married, just bought our first home this past April and have two daughters. A 3 year old and we just had out four month old baby girl. We had been under a lot of tension since the addition of the second child and had not been intimate in over 7 months. She always asked me if I loved her because I was bad at showing affection an was always wrapped up doing something else. This past Sunday November 3rd 2013 she told me that she put the baby down to sleep and that our other child was playing. She said I am going for a walk and never came back. 30 minutes later the cops knock on my door an tell me that my wife was found unconscious on the side of the road. My wife suffered sudden cardiac arrest because of postpartum cardiomyopathy. I type this now drinking whiskey
Having come back from the intensive care unit where today the neurologist told me that my wife has catastrophic brain injury. She will likely pass away when the remove life support or will be in a permanent vegetative state. She is only 29 years old. I am too am in a state of shock, disbelief and anger. I still expect her to call me or walk through the door. I have a 3 year old that is now crying because she has not seen mommy in almost a week. I don't know what to do, how will I tell her. She is to you to understand. Now I am 35 with 2 baby daughters and lost the rock to my life. I never Had a chance to say goodbye or say I love you for the last time.

Nov 03, 2013
I feel your pain
by: Mandy

Hi there

I lost my 48 year old husband 21st September 2013. He had a sudden heart attack and there were no signs. Autopsy said he had a heriditary heart attack. Today has been a hot day and im bored. when he was here, he was the fun parent. We would go somewhere, but I am lost and dont have the energy. I have heaps of support, but i like the one's you know how i really feel. Ive had a low day today constantly thinking of him and very very lonely. I am here to talk to as well. My husband was the best father and we have 4 beautiful grandchildren. I am here anytime

Oct 26, 2013
sounds way too familiar
by: Anonymous

you were robbed and my heart aches for you because my husband died in similar way just this march. I am a hysterical basket case and how I get up everyday without him after thirty one years is a wonder--we were inseparable---the pain is beyond words---I have no advice for me its the end of the world.

Oct 26, 2013
Sudden death of my husband. He was only 45 years old.
by: Doreen UK

Carmen I am so sorry for your loss of your husband to a sudden death. You didn't know your husband would pass away so quickly. He knew you were with him and feeling so ill he wouldn't know who was there with him at the time he passed away. God would have sent his angels to carry him home. He would have been in a serene state of Peace and calm. But I do know what you mean feeling cheated and not saying good-bye. I did have the chance to say good-bye but refused to believe my husband would die.
We were married 44yrs. He worked all over the world as a carpenter. Through his work as a young man he cut ASBESTOS on a power saw and didn't know at the time this was a deadly substance. The fibres lodge in the lungs and a terminal tumour starts developing. He didn't even get to enjoy his retirement he worked 47yrs. for. He went to the doctors with a chest infection which led to a biopsy and then the worst news ever. I couldn't believe the man I loved with every fibre of my soul was going to die. I got on with nursing him for 3yrs.39days. He died almost 18 months ago of lung cancer. I was waiting for a miracle of healing. I don't like good-byes and could never have done this. I would just say. "See you in the morning" this comforted me because of my Faith and Belief I know I will see my husband again when Jesus comes back to earth for us as He promised. This is what keeps me going. I hate life without him. I had such a strong supportive family to help me through those initial months. But this has all died down now and I feel alone. The only way I got through those months was one day at a time. I feel cheated out of retirement with my husband. I do this alone. Life has ended as I knew it. I just exist from day to day and do as much as I can to help myself get through life now. Life is not fair. We know death will come to all of us, but it comes so suddenly none of us knows who we are going to lose from our life. Take one day at a time and nurture yourself till you can feel less pain. This is a harsh road to travel now. I can't think too far ahead to Christmas, birthdays, and all those times we now lose that gave meaning to life. I am sorry for your loss.

Oct 24, 2013
we feel your pain
by: Lawrence

Carmen,
You are still in a state of acute shock and must be wondering what you could have done to stop Tony dying. I tell you now, there was nothing; it was just his time to go..
I have been through it, there is nothing in life that can prepare you for the devastating shock of seeing your beloved partner die.
I was speaking to my wife when she died almost in mid-sentence and I am still reeling from the shock, it was last Christmas day, now ten months later I am still heartbroken and miss her terribly, I still cry bitter tears at being left to face life alone after a wonderful seventy year love affair, climbing the stairs to the empty bedroom is still a nightmare..
I have no words of consolation, the pain you are feeling is so overwhelming that you think it will never go, but as the months pass so does the intense agony, grief does have a time limit but how long it will last, ..That’s the question.
You have joined a club we all hate to be members of.
You are in all our thoughts and prayers.
Lawrence

Oct 24, 2013
It sounds to much like my Steven
by: Sharon

I lost Steven on New Years Day. It was like you, one minute he's here and in a flash he was gone. He died from the stretcher to the operating table. No other signs, He was telling stories to the nurses. I couldn't see him. Couldn't kiss him the last time or anything. Nothing, he was gone before we realize how close to death he was or how fast he died. I miss him every waking moment even in my sleep I wake up crying so hard.
If there is one thing I can tell you is wait that year everyone talks about. I didn't. Having his things everywhere made me into a psycho. I still am. I can't do one thing without thinking of him and this dam crying. Almost for 2 years I cry everyday. For hours. I am so not the person I used to be. But how can one when the best part of you is gone? I hope you have a daughter, they understand Mom better then the boys. No offense. I have 4 grown boys and they have families and homes and such. Soon you just kind a get ignored, but still loved. I hate living like this. It's not living. It's climbing in that bed alone and getting up alone.I hope you find peace soon. That's all I am asking for right now. Peace. Just a little. Please take care of yourself and see the Dr. soon to see what chemicals and stuff are missing now.

Oct 23, 2013
Dear Carmen
by: Anonymous

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can relate to your post because father died suddenly in January. He seemed healthy one day, and the next day he was gone. I still have trouble accepting it because things were so normal one day and then my whole world changed. My mother and I never got to say "goodbye" to him, or tell him that we loved him. He was not at home when he had his cardiac arrest, and was gone by the time we got to the hospital. I never expected him to die...and even when I got into the ER, and saw the situation, I couldn't believe it. Certainly he would wake up and we would all go home. He would recover, and life would go on. But, that was not God's plan. I understand the feelings of shock, disbelief, anger and sheer grief. Try take care of yourself, and do things in your own time. This site is a great place for support. Everybody here understands what you are going through. I pray you find some comfort here and begin to
heal. Peace, Barb

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