Suddenly alone after 28 years and still in love with her.

by Mike
(West Seattle)

Well here goes nothing! After 28 years and three kids one hot August day my wife, the love of my life and best friend texted those devastating words, I want a divorce, we had preconceived the notion that divorce was not an option and the "D" word was forbidden until last August.
Fast forward to present I (mike), 50 years old am now learning to live alone. As my wife and soon to be x is living with our three teenaged kids -Anthony (18) just graduated from high school with a 4.00, -Jacob (16) a junior in high school and an incredible athlete, he won MVP on the baseball team and is Quarterback and D back on his high school football team and like me very kind, gentle and athletic ( my mini me) and both middle children, then comes my angel Lizzy my life (13) and drop dead gorgeous, smart, caring and very sensitive. These children are my life and all planned. I have been a stay at home dad for six wonderful years and feel it would be impossible to be closer or a better father. Although I spoiled all three of my children rotten and take joy in teaching them and bonding with each of them. Truly God sent and my life. After a horrific and disabling accident at work I was disabled and luckily forced to be home. After my on the job injuries my wife whom was a stay at home mom for 19 years and never had to work, was going crazy with me suddenly home 24/7. I went back to the UW to finish my masters which inspired Anna (wife) to pursue her new career as a nurse. It consumed her and I was quick to assume all parenting responsibilities and enjoyed every second. Well after finishing top in her class Anna was immediately hired by Providence last February when it all began. After months of working and becoming a career woman and being around adults again she changed dramatically . She started getting easily annoyed by my every word and I couldn't do anything right. The house being spotless daily was an attack on her in her mind, that she didn't clean enough, my driving Lizzy to school and picking her up daily and getting both boys to every event on time and consistency was somehow an attack on how she struggled with juggling it all " when she was stay home parent", everything I did was wrong and she felt I was proving her to be not as efficient. I by no means ever had one thought along these lines. Soon sex stopped and she had no time for me. Then while on her yearly visit with the kids to Wyoming to her sisters for their yearly visit as I tended to all our pets she texted the bomb. I want you out and I'm divorcing you because I'm bitter.
Needless to say I was blindsided as I still am in love with her. After a month of war and her moving out of our bedroom I moved out as what was suppose to be a temporary break for her and now is my future. Needless to say I am devastated. No pleading or reasoning or any words for that matter will get her back. She told me she is not in love anymore and doesn't want to be married anymore. I believe the handing of the Baton in being the stay at home parent sparked serious threat and jealousy issues with her and her independence from being a nurse and working changed her mindset. Along with her premenopause and serious mood swings and me being disabled changed her personality along with the tremendous antidepressants she started taking after nursing duties devastated her when three patients died in one week and she had to break the news to the families. FYI I made plenty of money from disability and she insisted on working. Anyways here I am utterly devastated and alone after 28 years and not wanting any of this. I can't think right or eat or sleep am I am very depressed and devastated. I have no idea how I will survive my heart feels ripped in two.
When I shut my eyes I see my children . I don't stop thinking of how horrific this is and how my children's life's are forever changed. Every conversation to her is closed by some stranger (Anna) saying it's over please stop talking to me. Just a 180 degree about face. I am totally lost, crushed, and don't know how to move forward. Days go by and I can't even think of anything else. Please help me with any advice or encouraging and helpful plans to shut love off and exist and be a positive father again. I have started exercising finally and moved into a small house 8 blocks away as to not devastate them financially. We have reached child support and actually created a legal separation/ divorce contract prior to my departure as to protect my rights. It is from an attorney and it is final as a pot ti sees fair through either a separation or divorce . But who cares. By the way I pay three times the DSHS recommended amount they concluded and we did have a mediator prior to me leaving. So the legal aspect has come and gone and it's the loss and being forced to do this.

Comments for Suddenly alone after 28 years and still in love with her.

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Oct 25, 2014
It's ok
by: G

I feel the sane way you do man, everything about the dynamic between u and ur ex matches my breakup bro it's ok though because it's gotta be ok , as men we did everything we could to do the right thing and we have to let go because the situation is out of our hands now . I'm sorry for your loss bro , I'm reading your story this morning because I'm staying in a nice hotel for my cuzs wedding and I woke up having a mini heart attack over a horrible nightmare about my ex . I feel empty and alone and like I'm living in hell for the rest of eternity , I'll pray for you man please do the same for me

Oct 21, 2014
Suddenly alone after 28 years and still in love with her.
by: Doreen UK

Mike I am totally saddened by your story of such a cruel way to end a marriage. By Text.
If your wife was content for 19yrs. with no problem and changed after your accident/disability, and her having to go out to work, then the problems have arisen as time has gone on. It is not unusual for problems to arise later in a marriage, and especially when illness strikes. These are all challenges to threaten a happy marriage. Perhaps there was a build up to your wife having a sudden attack of falling out of love, and wanting a divorce from you?
What is important is that you have behaved with Integrity. Caring for your wife as a stay at home husband/dad due to disability. Cleaning the home and caring for your family are all top qualities and needs within a marriage/family unit. You then moved out to stop financial burdens on your family. It seems very unfair that you are being penalized for your disability. Your wife has made up her mind and not even trying to talk or work things out. So there is little you can do. If you both went to counseling there may have been a chance to save your marriage. It only works if two people are committed to the marriage. For the sake of the children You have had to take a back seat and go it alone. You could go to counselling by yourself to help you heal and try to understand what happened and how you can move forward from your marriage breakdown.
You have put strategies in place already by exercising, and settling into a family unit. You have rights as a Dad to see your children and need to have them in your life to continue bonding and for theirs and your emotional well being.
My son is going through what you are facing right now and it is such a painful moment as I support him emotionally with a marriage I don't think will work. He has suffered for 3yrs. with his wife's EX in the background consuming all her time. My son says he feels like the outsider. His wife can't see it and in Denial. She sounds a lot like your wife. MADE UP HER MIND WHAT SHE WANTS. But his wife needs his money to keep HER HOUSE. She is in control and makes the rules what is to be and what he should do. he has had enough. His rule is that his wife gives up her Emotional connection to her EX and they sell HER HOUSE and buy one together so he has equal status and not kicked out of HER HOUSE as she has done on 5 occasions. This is not an unreasonable request. They are going to counselling tonight. His wife is resistant. If this doesn't work. My son says He will then walk away. He can't stay in a relationship like this. His wife takes her EX on holiday with them. His wife wants my son to befriend her EX which he did for a while and then saw this as ENABLING. His wife is BLIND. All the neighbours are upset that my son may move for good this time as they like him so much. he is Peaceful. He fixes his wife's car, and things around the house and pays her a high RENT towards paying all the house bills and some towards her mortgage she wants to pay off early. Yet won't put my son's name on her mortgage. She has a pre-nuptial to protect her home. All I can do is give my son a soft place to fall whilst he decides what he will do. This marriage is slowly destroying him. It has taken him a long time to MATURE and feel the impact of what is going on. My husband died of cancer 2yrs.5months ago. I could do with his support now. Life is tough. UNFAIR often. Even if you are the innocent person all you can do is to see a counselor and start to build yourself up. My son loves his wife the way you describe how you still love your wife. But often this is not enough to stay in a marriage that is not working. Please write back with an update and for more support.

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