by Nancy L. Hall
(Brenton, West Virginia)
On the morning of March 6th my husband didn't come home from work. As the minutes ticked past his typical arrival time I began to have a feeling of dread. I called his place of work to enquire if he had worked over, which he often did, only to be told that he was only 30 minutes late in leaving that morning. My husband was a licensed Ham Radio operator and his typical habit was to turn on his radio and listen to others conversations and say good morning; this helped to pass the 1:20 drive for him. I called one of his radio friends and asked if he had heard my husband on the radio that morning and his answer was no, but he did tell me that there had been a very bad wreck close to my husbands work place. I immediately was sickened, knew sumthing was very wrong. I called the Sheriff's Department and 911 non-emergency number in attempt to gain information but no one would tell me anything. As the time passed i grew frantic, knowing in my gut sumthing was horribly wrong. 2:30 later I heard a car pull up in my driveway and I jumped and ran to the window to see if was my husband comming home but it was a SUV with the Sheriff's Dept sign on the door. I ran out the front door to see an man I had known my whole life, I looked him in the eye and said, "no, please God no". All he had to do was shake his head yes and my life fell apart at that moment.
My husband had left work enroute home and had only gotten 2 miles from work when a man in a F150 with snow covered windows hit him head on killing him. The man in traffic behind my husband stopped, jumped out of his vehicle and ran to my husbands window to see if there was any way he could help. My husband reached his hand out the window and looked at the man who he didn't know and said, "Tell Nancy I love her" and he took his last breath. Thankfully this man whom I didn't know waited till the police and ambulance arrived on the scene and inquired the necessary information to get in contact with me and tell me this precious piece of information. I pray that God truely blesses this man because hearing my husbands last words has been a comfort to me.
I have tried to find logic, rhyme, or reason in what happened but came to realise there is none to be had. I have never had a instance in my life that even a little logic couldn't be applied to. This threw me big time! I did not know how to process sumthing so stupid and senceless. How do you accept and process sumthing that makes absolutely no sence?
One of the first things I decided after the accident was that I would not let grief define who I was, yes I would grieve but in the years to come I would not let it be all that I was about. My husband and I had talked about this very thing and I knew he would not want me to let my grief take over my life to the extent that it became all I am.
Has there been anger? Oh Yes!! And still anger is present, I have asked myself a thousand times how in the world could anyone get into a vehicle that is completely snow covered, not sweep off the snow or even turn on the wipers, and drive down the road at excessive speed when he could no-way, no-how see where he was going. I just don't get it! And Im sure I never will.
Ironically the last picture I took of my husband was 2 days before the accident and he is outside with a broom sweeping off his vehicle. He was a stickler about that, always cleaned snow from his venicle from bumper to bumper, making sure his head lights and tail lights was visible and sweeping the snow from the roof to ensure that nothing slid down over his windshield to obscure is vision.
Today is 66 days sence the accident and nothing in my life has been easy. 5 years ago I lost my mother; at the time I thought there could be no greater hurt but oh how wrong I was! I am over whelmed with the typical emotions of how will I take care of my home and land by myself, how can I possibily face a future with out my dear husband of 29 years, how will I financially survive because we didn't have a life insurance policy. But the hardest part is missing him; its left a enormous hole in my heart that can never be filled. All I know to do is to build a bridge over this hole to enable me to get back and forth across it. The construction is slow, but at least it has begun.
In the past two years all my close friends has moved away and I am walking this path of grief alone. I am thankfull for this site to share my story in hopes that I won't feel so horribly alone anymore.