Suddenly I became a widow.

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Suddenly I became a widow.

by Janice Lundblad
(Corpus Christi, Texas)

Our car trip up to see Gary's sister was like a honeymoon, he was so handsome, and thoughtful, and kind, and giving, 39 years of marriage.
He had beat cancer 13 years ago.
He was the best driver in the world,
I could lay down in the back seat and sleep, and I could trust him with my life. I work night shift.

One car accident 11-11-2010. Rolling and tumbling.

He was killed instantly, but I just had lots of broken bones and bruises head to toe.
My physical pain level was 9/10, but my heart aches for my wonderful husband far worse.

So today, funeral past, flowers needing to be thrown out, family leaving and my crying today 11/27/2010 is at its worst.
Reality is setting in.

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Suddenly I became a widow.

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Just Need to vent
by: Anonymous

My husband left the house for a ride on our Harley. He never came home, he was killed by a flying piece of wood due to a severe storm blowing in....he asked me several times to go but I stayed home that day. No goodbye words, no body (too much trauma for me to see), no closure. It has been 6 mos this week and I feel like its been 6 minutes or 6 decades....Our 30th anniversary would be in a couple weeks.
My kids have been great but they are mourning too! When does it go away????????????? Does the heart ever feel like its not breaking into a million pieces? I want to be happy again, he would want me to be, but that seems unrealistic at this moment! I go to work every day and every day I wish I wasn't there and I just want to scream "really I don't care"!

After 46 Wonderful years, I am alone
by: Anonymous

The love of my life suddenly died on Thanksgiving weekend. He kissed me goodnight and never woke up. I have wonderful children and great friends but I don't have him. We were supposed to get old together. Retire and enjoy life together and now I am all by myself. He took me to my senior prom. I fell head over heels in love with him. He was my protector, my knight in shining armour. There was nothing he wouldn't do for me. I look at his picture and can feel him smiling at me. Why so early? He promised me he would never leave me alone and yet here I am all alone. Even in the middle of a crowd I feel all alone. I work and I am grateful to have a great job that I love and keeps me occupied for at least the entire day. But the nights are so long and empty. My friends are concerned and try to keep me occupied by going out to dinner and movies, yet I miss him so much. I hope time will make it easier. I am truing not to dwell on the loneliness but it still takes some doing.

Three months after the accident
by: Janice Lundblad

It has been 3 months after the accident that killed Gary. I am in my house alone, and getting used to it now. I don't cry so much now.
My 11 broken bones have nearly mended, and I am back to work now.
Nice to be with my co-workers.
I don't like being single.
I really enjoyed being married.
A month before the accident I was in church and prayed that God would have his will in my life.
So when he passed away, I thought about that.
I think he had a stroke or low blood sugar and passed out while driving.
If I had been awake, I could not have saved him.
He would have been in a coma if I tried.
So I accept that it was God's will.
I have no regrets, we needed no closure, as we had no issues.
I am not angry at God for taking him, nor am I angry at Gary for leaving me and going to heaven.

I just never signed up to be a widow.

Suddenly I became a widow
by: Jules

I am sitting here reading some of the comments on this post - and I feel so grateful - grateful that I have such wonderful people in my life - people who understand how I am feeling, who support me, who encourage me, even though we have not met I feel so close to you - I know that no matter you will be here - as I will be for you - I encourage people I meet, who have also lost a loved one, to join this site - it has indeed been my salvation.

Recently I have met a few women who have been widowed, one in July '09, the other about two years ago.

The first one goes to the cemetery at least every second day, she has had the most amazing head stone made - it has coloured photos of her husband and his beloved truck, photos of the whole family, his horse, flowers - it is a magnificent thing to behold.

The second one just looks so sad - the hurt in her eyes is so evident, it is painful.

I have befriended both these women, unfortunately neither of them are computer literate (or even own computers), but I try to talk to them the way we can talk on here - honestly and without fear of censure, with kindness and compassion.

One of the things this site and the beautiful contributors have made me realise is that I now am a different person - I can't be that person again - that person had John in her life. I need to live MY life, the best way I can, I have to make my own way, do things for myself, find interests, see friends, and have a good life.

I think one of the problems with the above women is that they are still trying to live the life they had with their husbands, and that is not really possible, that was a life for two people, they are now one, and have to make a life for that one person - who is important in her own right. Trouble is of course, we are in a very old, small town, where families are very intermingled, you never speak out of turn about anyone because they might be related to who you are talking to.

I feel all I can do is be their friend, try and encourage them to talk openly to me if they want- know that I care and will respect their privacy and feelings.

Take care - I love you all -you know who you are.
Jules

My Soul Mate
by: Anonymous

He is gone and I am alone. I was the luckiest person to have had him love me unconditionally and he was taken away long before his time. It still hurts terribly.

Widow
by: Zoe

This is not a choice this was not what you saw
Or what you plan
I lost my beloved 10 days after his cancer was
Diagnosed

There are days I won't make it
But I do

This site helps, here you can be honest
Here you do not see people being uncomfortable
Or not understanding.

The world moves on and you stand still in that
Moment not knowing how they can move
Because he has gone.

This is an unwanted journey a hard one
But know we are all on it with you.

Come here write we hear you we do understand.

But the thing we all have learned is one breath
One step one day at a time.

Do not push yourself and do not let others
Make you feel your grief should be handled in
A particular way.

Just know we are here for you always (it's 2:56am right now) write when you need to as often as you need to.

We will hear you.
Zoe

Zoe

I lost my husband too
by: Colleen

I have the deepest sympathy as my husband passed away on the 16/11/2010 from cancer. He is my life. I miss him so much. Do not deny your feelings of grief as no one can tell you what to feel or how long the feelings will last. Hold onto the your love for your husband. I will pray for you and your family.

From a grieving wife in South Africa to a grieving wife in America

The dark passage
by:

I remember that anguish, wanting the pain to go away asking how long will this last?!! Thinking that I cannot do this I can't survive...But you will minute by minute one breath at a time. What you are going through is all too familiar to all of us here. Please come here often the people here are sooooooo wonderful and supportive we have dragged each other through some of our darkest days. Keep reading keep going you will find strength you never knew that you had...
HH

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Suddenly I became a widow.

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Suddenly I became a widow.