Its my first Christmas without you Brian. I spent the day with our oldest and dearest friends and they did their best and I also really tried hard but...oh I missed you so much.
It has to get better. Its not possible to continue feeling this much pain and sorrow and not die myself.
I did feel you close to me though and I believe that you also missed me and your girls and wished you could be there with us. I also believe that, although you are no longer part of this human existence, the essence of you and your love for us is still as strong and abiding as it ever was and that it will never end.42 years of being together cannot just end with your last breath. We forged a bond together that, in spite of everything, the good and the bad, that goes to make up a marriage, will endure forever. You were my soulmate. I love you more than I have loved anyone else in my whole life.