by Sue
(United Kingdom)

I lost my other half about 5 months ago - he was alot older than me and always warned me this could happen. I have no family so did all the arrangements then bang, reality hit. I gave up work last year to spend more time with him as I had been at the same job for 40 years. He always said he would look after me and left me the house . I am not worried about practical things as he taught me lots of stuff. The loneliness is the worst thing - especially weekends. I had this misguided idea that we would still be able to talk to each other but instead I end up talking to myself. He loved the Spring and the weather is so good - he would have been out in the garden . I have been tidying up the shed and keep finding sweet papers . I have been doing lots of reading and I know there are thousands out there just like me. I do some voluntary work which I found quite hard at first as I am quite shy. Everywhere you look there seem to be couples. I miss sitting with him on the settee, that physical presence always at your side. He didnt walk that quickly as his knees were bad so I was also used to taking a steady pace with him holding my arm. This has just been one of the worse weeks for some reason. He used to hate it when I cried - he would have been most annoyed this week. I got my shoes on ready to go out this morning and I just couldnt face it. The thought of the empty years ahead is a dreadful thing to even think about. They say 'just keeping doing the next thing' but half the time I cant remember what that is. Thinking of you all out there and wishing you well.

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