Sue

Ten years ago me and my husband started our own computer business...and The Control Freak Emerged!....But was not as bad as a year ago last April. That was when we found out my back was twice broken, I have emphysema, Fibromyalgia, a lesion on my thyroid and spots on my liver, along with arthritis and degenerative disc disease...(to name most)

Then the The Control Freak Really came out...And because now He Can't Control my condition..He is controlling everything about me, and he just can't be pleased! All the info says, "a win does not register on his scoreboard, he just moves on to changing (controlling) something else" And the info. says "Leave a CF, because he will never change" And some Info. says "Run!"
He has Never in 30 years got In My Face and Yelled At Me--At The Top Of His Lungs before! but he has twice this last year! and that's a bad sign !...(it could mean violence may be next?)
I Even spent 4 + months on 5 tries of antidepressants (for The Families Sake!) which made me Worse and bedridden for months! And somewhere he has Lost Me in the process...
Now I'm at a loss!
First, I feel like I'm still trying to get through the stages of grief, over my own conditions. (that my husbands controlling ways, and the months that the meds stole from me, and kept me from getting!)
Second, Now that This whole CF thing has messed up my relationship, and now I feel like I'm Mourning My Marriage!
I feel Stuck here because of my conditions...I don't know IF to leave, or Where To Go?...as you see I have many conditions,
and he did promise to take care of me....do I continue with a
sexless, non loving marriage because I need to? I sure would rather Want To! (sorry to ramble so long-guess I needed to vent some! ) And this is only the tip of the iceberg! :(
Anyone got any suggestions, ideas, thoughts, and/or Prayers!
If So Thanks Muchly! :)
Sue

Comments for Sue

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Jun 28, 2012
Sue, Puzzled don't know what to do
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Sue You need to put a plan of action in place perhaps reaching out to Social Services and ask them what is available for you for your condition. Saying that you are concerned for your welfare and future stability and well being. Say that your husband is behaving in a way to leave you unhappy and concerned for your well being.Ask about counselling for yourself. Dont' attempt to ask your husband to go into counselling with you. This will be alien to your husband and may tip him over the edge into violence if this is what is your concern.
You say your husband has not been unkind to you in 30 years. Suddenly he is behaving in a way that leaves you feeling you need to be protected. Your husband may be facing his own issues and with no one to talk to it is coming out on you. There is a possibility that once you are able to reach out for support that you may be able to both get the attention you need. Hence your sexless marriage you are unhappy about. Handled the correct way will allow you both as Adults to handle these issues correctly will help you both move forward better and violence may not happen. Don't jump to conclusions. Be cautious. But not suspicious. Your husband is suffering and with him feeling he is being cared for may just make things better. My husband was the most placid and gentle man who wouldn't hurt anyone. We were married 44yrs. Cancer changed him into an aggresssive man. I had to leave the room often and cry. Swallow hard and then go on being his caregiver. My husband worked hard all over the country of England and over the world and so I did not get my needs met. I guess he felt the same way. Times we both felt unloved. My husband had self-esteem issues and never felt loved despite me loving him to bits I would die for him. It was how he felt about himself. But I went into counselling for a few years and things changed. I looked at life differently. I was not so sensitive which helped me. I didn't get angry as much by issues we couldn't discuss. I did not have the marriage I wanted or my needs met. But I had the man I LOVED with all my heart. I was committed to doing him good all my life. But I didn't do it all alone. I Had God in my life to meet my needs and give me Faith to carry on and overcome difficult situations. I now feel I have fulfilled my duty on earth. Steve died 7 weeks ago and my heart is broken. I want him back. I will see him again when Jesus comes back to earth for us. Every situation is different. Marriages do break up. People have to move on in separate ways. You will have to assess what is best for you in your life and with your difficulties. No one can tell you what to do. I can only tell you my experiences which may encourage you. Perhaps help you find out the answer for you. Illness rocks our world and changes it forever. Causes problems for us that may never have happened. I wish you all the best in life and hope things work out for you both.

Jun 27, 2012
Sue ( & her Control Freak husband)
by: sue

Thank you Judith! it's nice to have my feelings, and the advice I get, again validated...each time I hear it, I feel a bit stronger...in Knowing I Must Leave, OR he must get long term counseling...and he would highly doubt that he would Ever need it, ya' know? (he perfect already...Lol not!) :(

I am also in Calif. if you or anyone knows where to begin looking for state agencies?.... I could not do
a minimalist type of shelter, but would only need some part time care for now...later I'll need more.

But I don't worry much about violence...as That would make him Look Like such a Cad to his friends, and they are the ones that matter most to him... wonder if that's typical?

For now a good house cleaning would make me feel good, as I'm not supposed to vacuum or mop due to my back...and My House Is, well...Ugh! And I have a husband and two grown sons living here...

oh sorry have to leave, he's home....

But thank you very much for the prayers Judith!

From me to you
Sincerely Sue



Jun 27, 2012
Take Care of You
by: judith in California

Sue, i'm sorry that you are sick.Y ou know deep down that this CF will eventually become violent. HE is fighting within himself because he doesn't want to be a caregiver to you but knows he must.He is taking his frustrations out on you and it is wrong. Please don't stay in a abusive relationship . It will make you or conditions worse to have such stress. Call your local health organizations and find out what kind of outside care you can get as a single woman. There are local and State agencys , state -aid that may be able to help if you can not work..

I am sending a prayer up for you to have the strength to move forward and become strong.
Take Care of you.

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