Suicide Tradegy!! 41 & Gone!!!
by Kathy Booty
Three years ago, I lost my soulmate, lover, bestfriend, and the father of two beautiful daughters. Chris was only forty-one and a man that stood out among a crowd. He was a beautiful six foot three man with a heart of gold! His death has affected so many people that loved him dearly. Chris lost his company and felt that he couldn't bear the pain of letting his friends and family down that he loved him so much!! They tell me that he took his life!!! The pain in my heart is so hard to bear! I lay night after night looking at his beautiful daughters yearning for their Daddy! People only see the smile that I wear on the outside but do not have a clue about the frown that's underneath the smile! This is the worse feeling that a woman could bear at forty-two! Money can never replace this empty spot in my heart! I just hope if you are reading this because of your pain...just know that you are not alone! Your feelings are real and normal! It makes you think that you are crazy. You are not crazy and God will give you strength when you are at your low! It's taking me three years to even write about this horrible tradegy. Crazy things as music in your ears remind me of him and certain scents that I smell. You will find yourself crying at the silliest thing & trying not to cry. You may even find yourself smelling their clothes! This is all normal. People will judge you for your actions. Everyone grieves differently! Some will clean out everything that your loved one owned! I'm cleaning it out gradually. Sleepless nites are forever. The emptiness in your heart never goes away!!! The truly horrible crying spells do get farther apart but time does not heal the pain. It onlymakes it bearable! Just realize that your feelings are normal. Everyone deals with grieving differently like I stated earlier. Follow your heart and tackle this journey in the way that helps you to cope with daily. Just remember that others will have opinions but the majority of these opinions have never walked in your shoes. I'm a very out going and strong minded person that is really just a girl with a big heart that is broken into a million pieces. My heart hurts for your pain and nobody's pain is greater nor less. Pain is pain. God bless you. Kathy :)