Superhero Dad is gone
My dad died two days ago while vacationing in Mexico with my mom. He was bodysurfing in the ocean, and then something happened and as far as we know, he drowned.
I am still in utter shock and disbelief. I vacillate between feeling completely numb, feeling like this isn't real, and bawling my eyes out in the most intense grief I've ever felt. My head hurts from being so tight while crying.
I miss him so much already. We are a tiny, small, but very close family. My passport is stupidly expired as of late last year, so I wasn't able to go and help my mom, but my brother could.
I don't even know what to write at this point. My dad was our superhero. We used to joke that he needed a little cape to put on, because every time something happened, he was the steadfast one that was there for us. He was so kind, loved telling jokes even though he could never quite get the punchline right, loved his family, and was an absolutely fantastic grandparent for my two nieces.
There are so many things that are killing me right now. The idea that he made a mistake while bodysurfing that lead to his death floors me. The fact that I'll never see him again just feels like it can't possibly be real. The fact that my future children will never meet him and feel his love is horrifying. My husband's dad passed away in tragic circumstances 4 years ago, so my kids will never know either one of their grandpas.
My dad is literally half of who I am. I can't imagine having another birthday without the person who made me.
And I mourn so much for him, and the things he wanted to do and didn't get to. He wanted to go to Europe but never made it, and now he's gone. He retired two years ago, which I am so glad because he worked SO HARD his whole life. But his neighbor was about to retire in two days and they had plans to be "retirement buddies" together. I never thought he'd die at 62.
I am just rambling now. I don't know what to say.
I just don't understand how the universe can be so cruel.