I fell in love with my husband the minute I saw him - I can remember the day, date, time and weather ,,,,, it was like a thunderbolt and despite it being almost forty years ago the memory is vivid, we had a love story that spanned a lifetime. He died in September 2012 and although I am writing this 8 months later - I still am not accepting it. At first there was a relief that he was no longer suffering from cancer which was ravaging his beautiful body - I was strong , positive and everyone was telling me how amazing I am ..... It was very clear to all that we had an enviable relationship - one that endured, was true and passionate. Now the realisation is beginning to dawn ....most of the time I'm still numb but now and then the pain hits. I feel physically sick - I am scared that it is going to get worse and I won't be able to cope - at the moment I won't stop ...I'm working hard, keeping busy all the time. I don't want to stop because I think I will be overwhelmed. My children and friends are supportive but I don't want to upset them - so I keep my feelings buried as deep as can, but I want him back - by my side - I want to be safe in his arms. I love him so.